Spring Forward - Fall Back - Let's Fool With Time

It’s that time of year when the government, in an act of omnipotence,
declares that we the people, by decree of law, we shall no longer need to save daylight.

Not that we actually saved daylight during daylight savings time.
But in a few short days we are permitted by the wise and powerful to resume standard time.

Which is fine with me.
I'm not a fan of daylight savings time.

Where do you keep all of your yearly saved daylight?
Do you put it in a daylight savings bank?
Do you keep it under your mattress for a rainy day?
Personally I like to keep mine in my pocket,
in case I need it at night for an emergency.

Seriously, how the heck are we saving daylight?
By getting up earlier in the morning when it’s dark?
By making the hour later when the sun goes down?

Did you ever try to get at small child to go to bed in the summer
when the sun is still shining at 9pm.?

I know I’m beating a dead horse taking about the foolishness of Daylight Savings Time.
We all know how it’s hard for the human body to adjust to sudden shifts in the way we measure time, twice a year.

So I figure, if you can’t beat them, join them.
Why not make some savings times for other natural events that we really have no control over.
How about these time adjustments:

Birthday Savings Time
You can pick an age to spring forward to or fall back on.
Teenagers can spring forward to vote, drive, drink.
Oldsters can fall back to less aches and pains, better looks, etc.,
and spring forward when it’s time to pick up the social security check.

Weight Savings Time
Falling back would be very popular.
Lose pounds before public appearances, doctors appointments, meeting old friends.
Spring forward would be welcome for the underweight (Are there any of them?)
Santa impersonators, competitive eaters, or for that matter anyone wanting to be in holiday eating shape.

Speed Limit Savings Time
Very useful to fall back when pulled over by the police.
Spring ahead when late for your destination.

Heat Savings Time
As long as we’re defying the forces of nature, why not save heat.
Fall back in the winter to nice warm days.
Spring forward in summer for relief from scorching heatwaves.

Common Sense Savings Time
Here’s one we could really enjoy.
Fall back for adventurous days, hang gliding, new roller coasters, being a politician.
Spring forward for exams, life decisions, let’s face it, everything.
Maybe if we collected all are unused common sense from Common Sense Savings Time,
we could send it to Washington D.C.