TIL That It Is Hard To Find Food Late At Night.

lordvader (69)in #til • 9 years ago

I am not sure how long it will take this transmission to reach you, but in my galaxy, it is a Saturday night. I have been really stressed out lately over some pretty serious problems at work. My assistant Vera (who is simply the cat's pajamas)begged me to try and relax and take my mind off of work. It's very tough, but I just couldn't say "no" to that angel Vera.

I don't even know why that idiot is holding a stick. I never miss...
and even if I did, we all know those tools can't hit anything.

So I "suggested" that a few of my subordinates should accompany me to a cantina near Endor. I shot some pool and knocked back a few drinks. I started the night with a little accarrgm which is a pretty potent Wookie liquor. Then I switched to some Jawa Juice. But please don't let that name fool you. I was expecting... you know... liquified Jawas. But that is not it at all. It turns out that it's just a mixed drink named after them. Then I finished off the night with several glasses of lum which is a pretty powerful ale.

About 2 hours into the night, I realized I hadn't eaten all day. I tried to order food but they said the kitchen was closed. I promised Vera I wouldn't force choke anyone tonight so I let it go. I continued to drink my dinner. By the time "last call" rolled around, I was absolutely famished... and hammered. I am no longer able to digest solid food so it's tough to find the colorless, tasteless, fine paste that sustains me... especially late at night.

I was pretty tipsy so we jumped in the shuttle and headed home. Just then, I had a brilliant idea. "Let's go to Endor! They must have something to eat there." The pilot said something about "White Castle" so I force choked his ass... but only a little. He's still mostly alive.

When we arrived on Endor, everything was closed. I think the lack of electricity may have had something to do with that. But I was starving. I heard some rustling in the bushes. As I approached, a little teddy bear jumped out and started jabbing my armor with a stick. I was a bit startled so I punted that little ball of fluff approximately 2/3 of a pod racing track away. Then two more popped out and hit me with rocks. I nearly wet my pants laughing. It was freaking hilarious! Did they not see my armor? And mine actually works, not like my dimwit stormtroopers.

As I was laughing, I stared at those adorable little creatures and thought to myself, "Damn they look delicious".

So I decided to have myself a little barbecue...

If I had it to do over again, I probably would have removed the clothes.
I thought it would add flavor but it really just made everything smell terrible.

Want to guess what this is...

It's a hotdog! Jeez get your head out of the gutter!
One of them was carrying it around in a helmet for some reason.

As I mentioned earlier, I am unable to digest solid food. Therefore, there was one more step before I could enjoy my very late dinner.

I'm sorry that I can't share the recipe. I didn't really have one. I searched my feelings and just tossed some things together. I'm awesome. Therefore it was also awesome. Bon Appétit!

Actually now that I think of it, I probably should have titled this ...