Post in the shell

After my infusion treatment today I am pretty worn out and unfortunately for the people I live with, probably a bit grumpy. I try not to let it affect me too much as I know the cause though I am sure it is noticeable enough. The medication not only steals my energy and gives me a throbbing headache, it makes me very impatient. Not impatient enough to power down everything and sell... Lucky for the 13 week buffer.

I will make sure I don't trade tonight as stupid decisions are made in a rush.

My mood makes me feel like being alone with my thoughts and currently a lot of my thoughts are Steem related - like usual. I try not to talk to my wife too much about it these days but today I mentioned I really hope it does something to provide some economic advantage.

Yesterday she was asked to apply for her PhD.

She is considering it as she should, but I also have to think about how we cope during that time if she chooses to go for it and gets accepted as it is around a 5 year process. That is a lot of 250 hour months of work to make ends meet. Of course the decision is hers to make and I am not going to be the one to stand in her way if she really wants it. At the moment though, I am tired.

A lot can change in 5 years though and not only on Steem. My work can improve or fall apart, our daughter will be at school within that time, the world could enter into a global war. Who knows, the only real process available is to do the best I can at what I can and cross my fingers things work out. Work is something I can do at least.

While I don't talk too much about Steem with my wife at the moment (she has heard "soon" and "one day" enough I think), I am quite excited about what is happening in the ecosystem. The place seems abuzz with activity and discussion currently with all aspects of the ecosystem being addressed in some way. That for me is encouraging and while I am containing myself through tempered patience, I can't help but look forward to the potential of the future.

The more time I spend exploring and thinking about possible outcomes, the more I anticipate good results and this in itself is a fear. I have always had a fear of both failing and succeeding and have remained uncompetitive and middle of the pack on most things I have tried. Stern is the first thing in a very long time I have thrown myself headlong into hoping for success. While not competitive in the Steem space, there is a sense of competition in real lif, not about the financial reward per se, but the justification of the entire industry.

So many have so little faith and so many have so little foresight and imagination that they can't see what the few see. I believe they will in time and all the naysayers will slowly change their tune and begin to participate. That will be the validation of the industry and could fundamentally change the future of communities and the economics that incentive them.

It is going to be interesting and while I must be patient for the results to arrive, participation has to be ongoing, no matter my mood. In many ways mood is a good indicator of professionalism. Amateurs can only perform when conditions are favourable and they feel like it. I am learning to disconnect my emotions from my behaviours so that I can use them as a tool of craft, rather than them use me as a vehicle of their own blind expression.

I may feel like crawling into a corner of my shell but, that doesn't teach me much other than my feelings dictate my action. Instead, I am going to try and take some photos of my wife before I have to call her doctor.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
_{(posted from half out the shell)}