Fail: No excuses left

in thoughts •  18 days ago

I make mistakes. Many of them. I enjoy making mistakes.

I make mistakes in my decisions and I make mistakes evaluating the information I have to make my decisions. Mistakes come when I am influenced by the wrong source, I make mistakes choosing sources. I make the mistake of not thinking deeply enough on things and then the mistake of thinking I did. I make the mistake of overestimating my skills in many things and underestimate my propensity to overestimate. Without taking this further, assume I make many different mistakes.

But like I said, I enjoy them.

I of course can't aim to make mistakes because if I aim for and get a mistake, it is technically a success. Mistakes have to be made when attempting to aim for a success. The mistake must be somewhat a surprise, an unexpected result.

The reason that I like making mistakes isn't just the invaluable lessons that come with them, the better decision making for the future or the closing in on success. It is that when I make mistakes I am trying. I am out of my comfort zone and treading areas where I do not have the answers, do not have the necessary skills. It means I am looking to improve. Reach for my potential.

For much of my life I hid myself away. I am not saying that I lived a hermit's life, I am saying that I usually did not attempt my all. It started young, perhaps even before school where I never pushed myself to the limits. At primary school I did the same and never aimed for far above average. I succeeded.

I didn't ever want to stand out. I am not saying that I would have been exceptional at anything but in some things, I did have some talent yet consistently held back. I never wanted to make myself a target. I was already a big enough target because of my background.

In high school it continued, I continually downplayed myself in a hundred different ways. I would hold back in classes I could excel at, avoided sports I knew I had skills in and defer to those that exerted power over me, even when I knew I had more than their measure.

When I began work life I consistently avoided taking leadership opportunities yet inside I knew I could have. In situations that called for decisiveness, decision and action had already been thought through and planned in my head yet, I took a step back and let someone else act instead. I played follow the leader well.

I could say it was humility, justify it as courtesy or any number of other excuses. Because they are excuses. I know what it was. I knew it then and I know it now. I held back out of fear. There may have been many reasons to hold back but only one really matters.

Fear that I would try my best, and still fail.

It took me a long time to face them. A long time to deconstruct myself enough to remove the many layers of fear from the depths within. It took detailed study, long reflection and many attempts to break habits and patterns to which I had long adhered. It took a lot of failure.

Countless failures.

I remember a big step almost ten years ago. Pressing 'publish' on my first post. Opening myself up to ridicule and judgement. Putting myself out there for the world to see. And not caring of the result. It felt amazing. Freeing.

Four years ago I started my business. Another massive step and one that took all of my will to make. I was far from comfortable already, and this was risking even that poor position. Now, I am only slightly better off and my workload has tripled. Still, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Freedom of work.

For me, facing my fears hasn't made life easier, it has made it infinitely harder. Freeing myself from the fear that held me back means that now I am not held back at all. Where do I go, what do I do? The world is unlimited potential and there are so many things I want to explore, so much I want to rip apart and see what makes it tick and the responsibility to do so is mine alone.

No excuses left.

One fear still remains. The fear of not enough time. The only way I can hold this back is to stay in the eternal now. Time cannot terrorize eternity.

So, this is why I don't mind making mistakes because each mistake is a further nail in the coffin of my fear. A burying of who I pretended to be, the lie I lived. It is proof that the demons of my past have not caught up to me yet, that I have taken responsibility for myself and become my own master, and whatever limited value I have to offer the world, I will give it my all.

You may get a taste of this through my posts. These are not about me telling what I think, they are me exploring further and asking for help to look. I think we could do great things together, make a brighter future for us all.

The future. This is where I have started again to fear.

When my daughter was born and for the first time in a while, a new fear crept in to settle in the recesses of my mind. As a parent I am going to make many mistakes. That does not scare me. I am going to do accidental damage while trying to do what is right. I accept that. There are going to be times she cries and screams with all her might and tells me how much she hates me. I can take it.

The fear I have is, what if she is like me? What if she spends her life hiding, never realizing, never discovering who she really is? The responsibility is hers but is that a parenting failure I can accept from myself?

Therefore, each day I will attempt again and again, try and fail countless times no doubt. I will do my absolute best to demonstrate that what lies inside her, what lies in us all, is fearlessness.

No excuses.

Taraz
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I'm rcalling a thing that happened a few years ago, where I was explaining to my eldest how it was perfectly okay to barrel ahead and make mistakes and fail no matter how hard you try as the most important thing is you gave it your best and you can learn and do better next time. Along with a story of how it's taken me years and a lot of knockback (people well-meaning and thinking they're joking around telling me I was never going to get this project done, or spending a hell of a lot of time nitpicking every tiny little detail) to get to where I am (still probably never going to get it done but I otherwise got better so there's less complaints about how crap my work is XD).

I was animating at the time and after he'd left the room I grabbed the mesh instead of the controller (easy mistake to make if you don't make the mesh unselectable which I do now) and eldritch horrors happened. I exclaimed something along the lines of "ooh that's really bad" and hit undo just as oldest came barrelling back in yelling "WAIT I WANT TO SEE YOUR TERRIBLE MISTAKE!"

So I showed him XD

I don't think you have anything to worry about with your daughter. You're going to make a hundred million mistakes and they'll probably impact on her a lot less than you think they will ;D and best of all due to your outlook, I know you'll let her make and learn from her own mistakes (because sometimes even when you're giving advice that's just how things roll), and I think that's how it should be. She doesn't seem to be the cripplingly shy type so I reckon she'll grow up assertive and confident and won't take any nonsense from anyone.

And maybe save a world one day.

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"WAIT I WANT TO SEE YOUR TERRIBLE MISTAKE!"

About three weeks ago I was sitting at the laptop at the kitchen table, took a sip of coffee and spilled it onto my shirt. My daughter a minute later saw that it was wet and asked what it was. Now, every time I wear that shirt she checks and says, "Daddy didn't spill coffee this time".

She is going to be one of those 'reminders'. I guess that comes from her mother :D

I have no problem with her making mistakes as long as she learns from them and it doesn't stop her from trying again. Ever since she was standing, when she fell and cried I would tell her it is okay and we all fall over sometimes. She has been self-soothing herself for a year and a half now most of the time say, "it's okay, it's okay" with tears in her eyes.

(people well-meaning and thinking they're joking around telling me I was never going to get this project done, or spending a hell of a lot of time nitpicking every tiny little detail)

I think this is the real danger because the delivery is more subtle, more innocuous.

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LoL! I think commentating observations is just what kids do, they (usually) grow out of it eventually. Enjoy it while it lasts XD

The cool thing when they're that little is that they'll just try again anyway. It's at some point when they're older that mistakes can suddenly become things to be avoided at all costs.

Ahh that self-soothing thing, she's too precious.

An opportunity can generate errors, but it could be that this opportunity you do not know how to face it and confront it from there the learning and the fortune of a new challenge achieved. Everything is a cycle where you must decide what to do with that mistake if it is a triumph or a defeat.

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Everything is a cycle where you must decide what to do with that mistake if it is a triumph or a defeat.

If aware, it is all a feedback loop that provides new information. If unaware, a repetitive circle of repetition.

I can really relate with you on this subject although I found it surprising from you given how open and very creative you are in your writing. Mistakes are an important prt of success as it improves ones self-awareness which is important. Sometimes, for people that are more introverted, it is more difficult to manage as we take failure and mistakes too rough but the rebound is great and provides confidence in meeting future goals. I also concern myself as these issues as I think about parenting but have learned how amazing human nature and instinct are in guiding her on a path that is in her best interest. It is a journey worth experiencing!

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I also concern myself as these issues as I think about parenting but have learned how amazing human nature and instinct are in guiding her on a path that is in her best interest. It is a journey worth experiencing!

Human nature is amazing but also flawed, which gives it the potential to learn and grow. It is a tough road for a parent who wants the best but doesn't want to impose restrictionto what the parent thinks is best. By the time she is 20, I am a dinosaur who once upon a time knew something about something no one cares about anymore. :)

I like this I'm reading something good before going to sleep

You're right we all fail we make mistakes I always repeat this we are human and we are wrong there is no one perfect but human and is in us to get up and ask for diculpas and also not make that same mistake and try to give our best so that does not happen again

Good night

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Mistakes are human and so is the ability to quickly recover and adapt to include the feedback in the next attempt.

The interesting thing about fear is to feel it and learn from it, the fact of feeling fear is not bad, because I think that fear allows us to know and feel that we are alive. We must also learn to know and find our internal strategy to learn how to overcome it and face the challenges that life puts us.
About children, no one is born with a book under his arm, where he says how to be a good dad, life and love for your daughter will teach you. The day I was told that I had little chance of being a mother, fear invaded me thinking only that I did not see my life without being a mother, but faith kept me and fear I learned that other forms of life exist, and that we must learn to adapt to continue.
In your writing, I could perceive your idea and your point of view, that is, through your writing I could perceive your vibra. For this reason, it is the first time that I publicly write something so personal.
Faith, good energy and good vibes in each one's heart allows us to look at life with other colors and face fears with a sweet taste of learning.
I liked reading you, again.
Good vibes.

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the fact of feeling fear is not bad,

Feelings are feelings. Acting on any of them blindly is going to often result in poor results.

The day I was told that I had little chance of being a mother, fear invaded me thinking only that I did not see my life without being a mother,

The fear of that future expectations are not going to be met. One of the greatest fears perhaps as once it arises, it grows based on information it can't possibly know. Life is full of experience but often we have a cultural programming that "it must" contain some components. It is limiting and nonsense. A full life doesn't mean everything has to be included.

For this reason, it is the first time that I publicly write something so personal.

I hope it wasn't too strange and, I hope that you will be better off for it. Sometimes having the space to express things helps us understand and let go of them. Thanks for sharing here.

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Sometimes things only arise without much explanation and I have always thought that when something is born, then it must be done because it is the impulse.
Life is painted the most beautiful color is faith, we are all good because I understood that happiness is a decision and attitude to life is part of how to face what touches live and I am immensely grateful for what I am today.
Thank you for your kind answers, thank you for your time, we will see you soon.

Not facing fear or addressing baggage can be a big mistake. Yes I have made many and still do. I do not look forward to making mistakes like you do, but I understand the concept and value learning from my mistakes. Otherwise such errors are repeated needlessly. And that is the definition of insanity. Yes mistakes have their place in the journey of life. I should take more leadership roles too as it grows my self esteem. Damn that fear. LOL Good read my friend @tarazkp

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I should take more leadership roles too as it grows my self esteem. Damn that fear.

For me it is an endless battle and discussion with myself and I guess it is also what makes the overcoming worth it.

I of course can't aim to make mistakes because if I aim for and get a mistake, it is technically a success. Mistakes have to be made when attempting to aim for a success. The mistake must be somewhat a surprise, an unexpected result.

Superb post mate. Upvoted (late as always) and resteemed. Because this kind of wisdom has to be seen by many more eyes. (Not that I'm saying I could help with the last, though) };)

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Thanks. More power to screwing up :D

Upvoted (late as always) and resteemed. Because this kind of wisdom has to be seen by many more eyes.

These days people might hide resteems ;)

I upvoted your post.

Mabuhay, keep steeming.
@Filipino

Posted using https://Steeming.com condenser site.

Our life is full of mistakes and fears. Without these two components we would be unable to value the good things and aim to achieve progress in our projects and in our lives. For what you comment you are a person very inclined to a continuous self-evaluation of your abilities, carrying an almost exact accounting of these two values, errors and fears.
I hope that soon we reveal how to overcome these obstacles that allow us to lead a happy life and in harmony. Receive my affections @tarazkp