You are in very different position than me, of course, but from what I've learned so far (which might be not a lot in all fairness), is that you can't play by the rules of the 'normal' game.
'They' have been making up the rules for centuries, and understand their own game far more than we do.

You have to make your own rules, but there is always a price to pay for that choice...and one much too high for many to bear. (Which I understand completely).