There is no best way. Mainly because it's not a contest. And even if it is, we've all got a different, unique set of rules, so it ain't a traditional contest.
What you consider normal might sound strange to someone else and vice-versa, doesn't mean either of you is not on "the right way". Just means you found different ways.
But, you'd agree there are some pretty bad ways? It isn't about competition, it is about what is best for kids. There should be variation of course as that is what gives the best chance of survival in changing experience.
There are bad ways, no doubt. I wasn't disputing that, just the idea there might be a 'best way' to do things. What's best for the kids seems subjective, to me. Where one kid thrives, another might drown...
I don't know if it is subjective. "Hypothetically", if we could know what child A needs and what child B needs, we could act with precise sensitivity for what is best for each. Of course, knowing what each needs is the challenge so we are forced to act with some kind of probabilistic line of best fit (at best) but we are still going to fail the children a lot as what we consider the "best" is not necessarily in their best interest, but ours.