I don't know...

That's pretty much the theme. I don't know much what I'm doing, why am I here or how should I approach this life. I don't even know if I should, or if it's even necessary, to have such answers at the back of my head. Maybe having to think such thoughts is only of a sign of mind that is not in an appropriate place, isn't where it should be or not doing what it's best at. Well, at least I'm applying for jobs (well, for one so far). I am not sure, if that actually is relevant to whatever I started this with, but whatever.

I guess, I want to say something – otherwise I probably wouldn't be writing this – but that is exactly, I don't know. I would like to say great things, but sometimes there's not much going on in my head, and at the same time, too much, hence I can't decide where to grab and what cord to follow. All I can juice out of myself is...

^{Hello, I would like to say something, like... I'm glad there are people who are reading even this silly sentence right here <3}

I could just still write about my trip, but I guess I didn't want to. I guess it would've felt too much like work. I will, probably, but I guess I must do it the "unprofessional way"; tinted by my own fables and emotions, because otherwise I would find it boring, at least personally.

It is strange to come back to home and feel more lost than on the period when I wasn't at home. I guess being lost refers to the spiritual realm rather than the physical one. I mean, when people say "I'm lost" of course they don't refer to their physical realm, because that isn't hard thing to find out nowadays with the technology we have.

What I mostly miss from the trip, is probably the emotional intensity that it evoked, one way or the other. I mean, negative emotions aren't nice, but usually I was quickly able to shift them by being (at least somewhat) fearless, doubtful, non-biased towards them – a lot of the times they plain out tell lies. How to stop those lies? If I knew, I'd probably be on top of the world already... I guess first step is to just not take them for granted and try do things that seem to go against them and just see what happens; treat it like an experiment.

But like I was saying, home is quite dull, emotionally. It is not with a lot of diversity, it's mostly just a straight line, like the one of a heart beat detector when receiving no signal.

I guess what I'm saying is, my soul feeds off with emotion, or maybe by expressing it, 'cause, you know, I felt I was able to channel it by dancing, with the movements of my body.

That reminds me of a Podcast I was listening that was considering neurology. It was said, that mind isn't just located in the head, or rather that the brain isn't just a separate thing inside your head, because the whole body, every neuron from the tip of your fingers is connected to it through a network – you're mind isn't just your brain, it is essentially the entire body itself. On the same vein, it makes sense that standing straight you're shoulders back or exercise can boost positive emotion – it seems like a no brainer now.

Anyway, it's too late (again), so I will go repair my brain – and body.

Good night.

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