Just some freewrite

in thoughts •  2 months ago

You don't have to read this. I'm just writing this and publish it out for the sake of getting back on the horse. Most of what follows probably don't have value anyways.

I've counted, it's been 3 weeks since my productivity suddenly took a nosedive, no reason. Or maybe plenty of reasons, I don't know at this point. I think this whole thing started from March this year when I went away for a freelance job for a whole month flying drones in an oil plant. That's 1 whole month of daily flying for up to 14 hours sometimes for a whole day under the heat of the sun and burning of unprocessed hydrocarbon. Of course there is "rest", lol. maybe seven days out of the twenty-plus, details are fuzzy in my memory by now and i don't bother to pull out the papers to double check, it's a freewrite guys. Right after coming from the month of "hell" I just forgot how to recover mentally, I think. What was supposed to be 3 days chilling out before getting back into the groove persisted until today.

So here I am. A legally NEET guy forcing himself to just write something because he remembers the advise from his post not so long ago and has not followed it for so many days. Talk about hypocrisy. It's 1AM here when I'm writing this because what is going with me has to stop. This chronically acute procrastination has to change or else I'm doomed. They say the best way to start doing something is to do something. Perhaps this is me doing something.

I still have that mindset where one shouldn't post something unless one has something to say that's worth the time of others. Being a low-key self-depreciating guy you can see how it doesn't work out well. That's against the whole point of Steemit doesnt it? You're supposed to just speak your mind even if your mind at the time is an amalgamation of trebuchet memes and rare vines. Steemit (ultimately, STEEM) is about expressing yourself in whatever digitally documentable form even if it means no one will have seen it. People literally shitpost on the blockchain so what makes me undeserving of putting my thoughts out in the public where it sticks forever as long as a witness node still runs?

I've been holding off dozens of articles and blog posts I have in drafts because "I wasn't in the best frame of mind to follow through". So instead plow through movies, games, youtube videos like it's my fulltime job, office hours and overtime. Past me with a job that I quit for writing would punch me in the face if he knows what I've been doing all these while. What the heck man... I would have done more good to society packing groceries than this.

So here I am. A wall of text. A generic copyright-free stock photo that has no bearing on this blog post (what a long winded way to say "pic unrelated", 4chan is good for many reasons), and an attempt to put my fingers on top of the keyboard.

I should have cleaned my room like what Professor Jordan Peterson said afterall.

Photo by Cosmic Timetraveler on Unsplash

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I faced the same problem when my sister was back from UK. I just wanted to hang out with her and, like Pooh and Christopher Robin, do nothing. That went on for several days and I knew I had to do something about it or I would have trouble coming back. So glad that you found your way back!

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I wont say I've 100% "found my way back" per se.. I know I have to do something about it and is following the advice i've read on the internet.