Last night I completely shirked my duty as a mom. I didn't comfort my son when he cried for me or begged for my attention. I insisted my mom put him to bed because I just couldn't take it anymore.

Being the mother, father, breadwinner, house maid and school teacher has me a bit overwhelmed.

Dear Diary - I am trying really hard not to be a horrible mom!

To be fair, I need to back up. My mother came to live with us about four years ago because my relationship with my sons father was on the rocks. Because of her help, I survived one more hopeless year trying to "do it - for the sake of my son." And when I started fantasizing about jumping off our 5th floor balcony - I realized that it was time to end that relationship and find my own happiness.

Since then, my mother and I have been a rock solid team of American women confronting life abroad in Colombia. And, I am tremendously grateful for her help. But, I think we are both needing a break.

Sidenote: Colombia is leading the whole world on being the LONGEST lockdown. We have been in house arrest since early March. These corrupt bastards here are going for the gold to see how long they can keep people down before they go bananas. And, by the end of June, my gut tells me there will be a really important moment where the government had better open up the economy or get ready for MASSIVE upheaval.

Ok, back to my original story. We are feeling the stress and pressure of almost FOUR months now of our movements being restricted to an extreme. Manizales has lucked out and is home to the second MOST OPPRESSIVE mayor in Colombia. This little snot nosed Millennial is playing around with urban gardens and bike lanes instead of addressing the turmoil from the economy being gutted by the Coronavirus.

When I say I am a pissed off mommy, you better take that as a directive to observe social distancing of 6 feet or you will find yourself six feet lower in altitude at a horizontal orientation.

My mother has been in charge of at least 2/3rds of the kitchen, 50% of the house cleaning and ALL the education of my son in both English and Spanish. She has a beginner level of Spanish. We are blind leading blind over here trying to keep our eye on the ball and limp him through Kindergarten.

This little boy should be out playing with friends at the neighborhood - not locked up in house arrest. To be honest, I should be doing more because I speak the language fluently - but I am hustling up bread money and trying to replace my moms social security income before the dollar crashes. So forgive me if I am a bit negligent.

And believe me, I know that our situation isn't unique or special or different from any of the other 9 billion people we share air and water with. We are a tiny speck of life in a giant sea of Coronavirus affected masses. But, it still means the same to me as it does to everyone else. We are in times of survival by the skin of our teeth. Some are doing better than others.

If you are reading this, and you are a pissed off single mom - I get it. The late night agonizing over work, parenthood and whether you are doing it right. Days where you simply collapse and can't do or care about anything else.

I'm not writing this to simply complain. We are living in really interesting times. Fortunes will be made and lost during all this. Even in the 3rd world, I can't help but see opportunity for those of us can keep it together in an agile sort of way.

Truthfully, mothering for me basically consists of getting my baby up, showered, dressed, fed and then I don't do too much until its time to put him to bed. The rest of the time I am writing, following up with clients and calling the US/Ecuador/Panama and almost anywhere else you can imagine - to offer high quality Personal Protective Equipment imported from Asia with FDA clearance.

Please, don't give up. We can do this! It comes down to putting one foot in front of the other. Fight for what you believe in. Parenting isn't easy, but what a blessing to have our children at our side. In spite of everything I still have a LOT to be grateful for. Thanks be to Jesus Christ for his merciful provision.

I am going to close with this line from what is probably one of my top five favorite books of all time:

"So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot and your left."

• Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss

Kudos to @yintercept, your comment on yesterdays post totally rocked! Also, a warm mention of @greenhouseradio, a like minded individual who appreciates the life and healing of the sacred herb. Peace, love, and hippy beads amigo!

I want to thank the @steemingcurators team, and all the curators who are involved in the #newsteem to bring this platform to its full potential. #teamwork

As always...

If you feel a kindred spirit in my diary about times of coronavirus, pressure and overcoming - then do your part to help a neighbor get through to the other side by upvoting and/or giving me a resteem of this post. Tell a friend - and join #thediarygame so we can all bring home the rewards of high quality content curation on the @Steemit ecosystem.