The Best Jokes

1
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.

Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?

My name is Paul.

2

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Mother: Why didn’t you use a coaster!

3
How many gorillas can fit into a car?

Eight.

How many chickens can fit into the car?

None, the car is already full of gorillas.

3

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Patrick: "What school?"

4

"Mom, where do tampons go?"

"Where the babies come from, darling."

"In the stork?"