The love of a father

Thanks for the contest @danieldoughty, thoroughly enjoyed sharing my heart.

"You can't blame me for placing high expectations on you, because you are the eldest..."

That was a number of years ago, when I received a call from my father who was half drunk. It was a trying time for me, I had just quit a high paying job and joined a new set up that only paid me peanuts. Not a very promising move, not in my father's books.

Raised in the Asian culture, my father is your typical Chinese uncle who is stern with his children. He doesn't compliment you on your achievements, but would not hesitate to give you an earful on your mistakes. As you can imagine, my siblings and I were very afraid of our father. Just his Hilux rumbling in the distant (signaling his return home) was enough to send us scrambling into our rooms.

There was a time when my relationship with my father turned sour. I was in my secondary school year, and it started with a mistake that made him utterly disappointed with me. Our relationship grew distant and to make me pay for my mistake, (that was how I feel back then) he stopped talking to me. He'd make me feel unwelcome whenever I was around, and during meal times he'd intentionally (or not) take some dishes and give them to all my siblings but not me. At one point I'd feel so left out at home I'd cry myself to sleep. I thought to myself, is this the price to pay for being the eldest at home? Why is this happening? Don't I deserve some loving too? But God, He is a faithful Father. As doubt and fear crept in, I turned my heart to God.

I remember one fateful night, after feeling deprived of attention for sometime, I prayed and ask God for grace and wisdom to mend this relationship. It was already the start of my final secondary school year and soon I'll be leaving the nest to pursue my higher education. It was then that it strucked me; I don't want to leave home with a broken relationship, I want my father to be actively involved in my life. I want him to be present and God willing when I get to have my own little family one day, my children will get to enjoy having their grandparents' love. The Bible says, "Ask, and you shall receive." And instead of worrying, God gave me ideas on how to improve the relationship.

Since then, instead of waiting for him to care for me, I shall take the initiative to care for him. Instead of wishing for him to ask me how my day was, I shall ask him instead. I will intentionally update him on what's going on in my daily life, how school was, or even ask him for advice and his opinion. And when he's upset or angry, I will not lash back and will speak to him nicely and respectfully. Lo and behold, slowly things started to change.

My father started opening up his heart to me again. Instead of the constant scolding, he started speaking nicely and was more willing to listen. He'd come to me whenever he's having a tough time dealing with my siblings, and slowly we started seeing improvement in his relationship with my siblings too. We realise that Papa does care. I remember one night we were on the phone, I was in college then and we were talking about expenses. It was a trying year, business was really bad and college fees weren't cheap. But during our conversation, something heartfelt my father told me made me tear.

He said,

"Your Papa isn't rich, but with whatever I have, as long as I still have the strength and means to do so, I will do my best to provide for all of you."

Fast forward to today, as I have now become a parent I have all the more come to appreciate my father's love and care. Our relationship may have come a long way, but I thank God for my father always. I'm glad I get to see how big his heart is as he slowly open up and let me in. As time goes by he has become happier, more gentle in his words and caring towards us all. I get to enjoy laughing at his random jokes and heeding his wise advice on life decisions. I've began to see more facets of his heart as he shares his concerns with me.

I may not have a perfect earthly father, but I have a strong and mighty Father in heaven. He is faithful to His promises, and He has blessed our family. When I put my trust in Him, I see Him do wonders. Today, my Papa is very much involved in our lives, and he loves and enjoys his grandchildren too.

As you're reading this, maybe you have a relationship or two that needs some love and mending. I know it hurts and though circumstances may be different but I've been there too. I want you to know that what matters to your heart, matters to God. Rome may not be built in one day, but so is relationship or anything else in life. Go and love on those who matter to you, be intentional in spending time and being there. Sometimes we get hurt but let's choose to forgive and build bridges, not walls. Walls may keep hurtful people out, but it also keeps hurt in. One of the things I want to see myself practice more is that if I can be kind to strangers, I can be kind to my family too. May God give you and I the grace and wisdom in our relationships. We can trust in Him because His love never fails.

My Papa and my newborn son.