You are viewing a single comment's thread from:

RE: Hope, under the water - Tell A Story To Me

in #tellastorytome5 years ago

I really love that you have taken the prompt as a backdrop, for a story of finding courage, and strength, of standing up to oppression and the abuse of power. The imagery in your opening paragraph is just so powerful. The water, the glass, the tears, you create a connection between the three straight away, tying Giselle’s emotions to her situation, and reflecting it back through the water. The strength of the dymanic between her and Tildo, the way he mixes ‘indulgence’ and abuse, you capture the realism of that very well, how people in power use both small kindnesses and strong abuse as a means of control. The way her refers to her as little doll, and the connections of possession that comes with it, it’s both emotionally captivating and chilling. The intention of the Arkship, so well set, having gone so wrong under the guidance of someone having seized the void of power, shows so much of this world, lamenting of what is compared to what was such a short time ago. The concept here is just brilliant as well, the idea of the wealthy being able to purchase a generational place on an Arkship, others being able to work on the small scraps of land, labouring in return for a place of sanctuary. It seems so believable, and the idea that overtime, the possibility of corruption would arise fits in well. I thought, when Rich turned up, he would be her hero, and she would marry him and he would rescue her from her oppressor. I really appreciate that wasn’t how the story went, and instead, we saw that Giselle has come into her own, through Lionel we get a hint that she has been finding herself, and her confidence, and is teetering on the point of being able to stand up to Tildo. I love that instead of being her hero, Rich serves as her cover, allowing her to go into the cinema and retrieve what’s been left for her. She is already trying to find the courage. Then the finale, her discovery of being pregnant, creating a sense of urgency, the last of her hesitations slip away, and she is able to go through with it. The story you tell only plays out over the course of a day or so, but we get to feel Giselle’s growth since she lost her father, her loneliness and heartbreak, her sorrow and anger at what she has to endure - and is prepared to for the sake of others. But then seeing what has happened to what her father had built, and that what she suffers at the hands of Tildo isn’t enough to spare others from the same fate as long as he is there. Her anger, and with it her courage, is compounded as the story goes. Somehow, I think she will create a wonderful, fair and safe, place for her child to grow up. There is a depth here in personal growth and discovery that is really inspiring.

Sort:  

Thank you, I deeply appreciate your comments. I'm glad you liked my story.

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.20
TRX 0.14
JST 0.030
BTC 63718.61
ETH 3390.60
USDT 1.00
SBD 2.62