Hiding My Emotion's: And How My Son Noticed That I'm Sad Deep Inside

Its says that when a person truly loves you that person will notice your sadness without you even telling how you feel. That person will feel your emptiness and will also feel sad for you. I can say that I haven't been very lucky with men but I am truly blessed with my kids.

I was sad this past few days and I do not feel like working and moving. Especially that my father already left us and went home to Surigao del Sur yesterday. After the break up with my 5 years boyfriend whom they called papa already,I'm not really in my old self. Days seems like so hard for me to face,and the smiles became too rare. My children comes close and say's I love you. I always answer them that I love them with all my heart too and hug them so tight. But it seems that my children has develop a sharp sense when it comes to my detecting my emotion.

I never showed them that I cry because I know how it will affect them. Whatever emotion I will be showing is what they will feel too. And I know its not right to drag them into the problem that I have now,they're still young and I want them to have a happy childhood that they will always treasure until they grow old.

I thought I was hiding my emotion perfectly,then my son came last night and hugged me. He said I love you mom,and I said I love you too. He asked me "mom what is making you so sad,did we do something that made you that sad?". I was so shock with the question and I ask how can he say that. He said I no longer smile like before and when they hug me my hugs are not that tight anymore. He even said that I am always quite and not talking,and I look so tired all the time.

It hits me that time,as I look at my son I said "what have I done". I said I want them to be happy but I made them feel sad and made them think that they are the reason why I'm sad. I hugged my son to tight and explained that I was just tired from working and doing the household chores. I smiled and tried to swallow my tears. MY!!! It was even harder and hurtful than the break up. I realized that my kids are my soulmates and that they love me that much to see my emotion through my eyes even if I'm not saying it to them.

As long as I have them beside me I can face everything with pride. I have raised my kids right,knowing that they are putting my emotions first. Nothing is more important than them,and I promise not to show them weakness anymore. After that question from my son,he slept and as I look at them sleeping tears role down my face. Thank you God for making me strong with the help of my kids,thank You Jesus for this wonderful children who are sensitive with my feelings.