THE LOVE OF MY LIFE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEKEND

In love with him, since i can remember.

Loved him since 1998, when i was 8, maybe not Love, just a silly girly crush.

He was the nerdy cute kid in class and i was just a regular chubby kid sitting behind the nerd in class.

Always laughed at his jokes, even when they were not so funny. I wanted him to notice me, but also did not want everyone else to know of my stupid crush. He never noticed

I always made sure i went to class smelling good. we were young kids in boarding school, with just Petroleum Jell and Johnson's baby powder at our disposal. I use the scented Petroleum Jell on my body, and a bit on my sweater so i could smell good for him. With a touch of Johnson's baby powder of my face, palms and pits, i was confident it would do enough to make him notice me. I was young, how the hell did i even know these things? oh well, he never noticed me , in that sense.

Many memories of our childhood linger on, but my Favorite is when he shaved off all his eye brows, an looked like an alien, a cute sweet alien. We laughed and bullied him a lot, and then he decided to apply black shoe Polish (Kiwi), to disguise the shaven eye brows, until his real ones grew back. A secret only i, him and 2 other friends knew, i felt closer sharing that secret with him, "inner circle", but he never knew.

Life Happened, we got separated, i moved to another country and we lost touch.

Few Years Later.

I heard about him from my sister and her boyfriend. They said he now lives a reckless life , always around many girls and drinks too much alcohol, maybe even drugs. Who was i to judge him? Really who was i? Instead i made inquiries of his hang out areas. For weeks, i dressed up an accompanied my sister to visit her boyfriend. (Because his house was near my crush's hang out area), but to no lack. I almost gave up.

It happened one day, they spotted his car from a far and told me he must be around the area. I scavenged all around, hunting for him, but them saw him from a far , surrounded by beautiful girls, drinking and playing Billiard. i was discouraged to approach. I told my self to try my luck another day. He never saw me.

Spotted his Maroon Car, and stylishly and pretentiously walked towards him. Intentionally wanting the meet to appear as coincidental as possible, i said Oh Hello, as if surprised, when our eyes met. Cute as ever, his smile pierced through my heart. I chinned back at him, sheepishly, as my hear raced. I was out of words, just wanted to live in that moment. The Earth should have stopped rotating, for all i cared.
We had a lil chat, very casual , and in matter of minutes, he uttered he was in a rush, he had to leave . We said our quick and light good byes, he turned on his Ignition, once, twice and off he went. He left without my phone number, did he not want too? Doesn't he want to spend more time catching up, am i not cool enough? a gazillion and one questions went through my head, Will i ever get to see him again? i was in Despair , He never noticed.

Few Days Later, I left the Country, back to School, Life happened .

Thanks to Facebook, i found him and followed him through out his other social media handles, and all his family members. i knew all his sisters from way back when we was in school. I said Hi, we had a little catch up,but very cold. I'ts okay, i understood that people are busy with their lives, and it ha just been that long. However, i kept my self updated with his moves, he seemed to be doing great, and his work took him all around the globe, i was happy for him. Always liked his status and left (love) reactions on his post. He never Noticed.

At one point, few years back, he visited the Philippines, for work i am sure. I knew about this from his Facebook post. i got excited and in boxed him . Alot was already going on in my mind, as you might have imagined.
unfortunately, he was in another city, and would not really have the extra time to visit. I was willing to offer to visit him instead, sacrifice my school and risk it all, but i held back, with great feeling of unaccomplished desire, He never got to know about it.

Fast Forward to more Recent times, scrolling through FB , updating my self with peoples lives, wedding photos and babies everywhere. It got me thinking about what i wasn't doing right, it made me remember David and told my self, why not. what if he is available? what if he is the one? there's no sign of marriage in all his photos oh His social Media.
He may not be single, but at least not Married, right? This was my chance to make it right by me, yeah?

I Message him, told him its been a while, i had missed him and reminded him of his eyebrow shaving incident . We both laughed about it and i was excited now that i had set a good tempo for the conversation, before he dropped the bomb and said " i'll be getting married in two weeks , can you believe how much we have grown? Yes please, lets have a moment of silence for my feelings. .............................................................................................................................................................

My whole world came down crushing on me, this just can't be, why now? why did i have to wait this long? is it my fault? yes its definitely my fault... i have loved him for soooo long, and now, now HE WILL NEVER KNOW

i cant even finish narrating the story now because of course you know what happened after that, jealousy and stalker mood was activated. Who is this lady marrying my man? hahahaha, i bet she is not even as beautiful, that is how i soothed my heart break, convincing my self she is nor good enough.

pre wedding photos were released few days after that.. an BAMMMMMMMMMM, She is perfect, right match for him, hour glass figure, and they just seemed to have sooo much chemistry. There was no other way than just to come to term with my fate and wish them well.

And in true Tanzania Tradition, as a well wisher, friend etc, a little contribution towards the wedding is expected, that is how one earns their respect. in fact monetary contributions to any communal and social gatherings, unless the people involved do not ask for it. Yes i had to send them my contribution.

They are currently in a beautiful paradise for their honey moon, as i am out here nursing my loss. My timeline is full of their wedding photos, and the honey moon ones will soon start to show. isn't that torture enough for me feelings? still considering the fact that he is hurting me , but HE WILL NEVER EVER KNOW.... unless he comes across this post, which i pray does not get to happen, there's no need for him to know.