My Life's Biggest Regret-How I survived?

in teardrops •  last year  (edited)

Hello everyone have a good day.
It is sound so quite sad at this moment to relate how my life survived from a biggest regret.

When I was a child I had dreamed of helping my parent and siblings since I am the eldest among them.We were belong to a poor family and it was my obligation to get out on such situation.But all of my dreams was gone in just a single blink of my eyes.

When I was on my elementary grade,I was an honored pupil maintaining it from grade one to grade six eventhough there were so many times that I could not go to school when my parent were not around to take good care of my younger siblings.I cried so many times but I could not refused when it comes to my mother's decission.

  • How to begin?

There was a time my school teachers wanted me to enrolled piano lesson but my mother did not approve that plan.My mother was a hard working and a good provider but her negativity in life dragged me to a dark future.During my graduation in elementary,there was an oral scholarship examination between the top ten pupils and I was one of the two who passed.I remember my burning spirit in answering those 10 questions while I was wearing my white graduation dress. It was held infront of the parent's of the graduates and all people were watching on that time.
I thought that it could helped me in my studies and yes it did.I became a scholar in my high school days maintaining my grade to 90% every year end.I got a free school with monthly allowance.Eventhough I was already free from school I stayed in my auntie's house to have a free house near the school.During Saturday,I collected laundry those who wanted to have so I could have income and give it to my parent and siblings when I got home.I had no time for friends.Since then, I devoted my life to helped my family even until now.I am proud to myself to let you know how I did for my family during my younger years.

I graduated my high school and enrolled to a college school as a working student taking up BEED.But on the 3rd year I got argument with my male employer where I worked because I accidentally throwing a dirty water in the window from the kitchen lavatory and he was there downstairs below that window.He shouted why I did that?The kitchen.lavatory was out of order so the water could not passed the pipe.Then he instructed me not to threw water again on the window so I did.But for the 2nd time on the following day,I just let the water went down slowly but I never knew he was standing there beside the pipe,he was checking the sink and tbe pipe while the water on the lavatory was full so it bursted to his face.That was the beginning of my disgraced,he never wanted my face anymore to stay in that house.His wife was my mother first degree cousin a nurse and he was an engr. they were both retired worker from Saudi Arabia.So i went home then my mother told me to stop my studies,they could not provide for me and the worst of all worst when she said that it was better for me to worked to have salary and helped them to have a house since our house was burned when I was in third year high school.I did not refuse to my mother decission.

  • The beginning of Regrets

I went to Davao to the house of her brother who had a business there.It was against to my will but I always listened her to avoid argument.I never say no when it comes from my parent's voice.

It was last week of March that I went to Davao and first week of April I was disgraced to a man I never knew him well.There was something happened that made me decided to tied with him.We were not a lover and I never been in love,I never had boyfriend during my high school and college days.Yes,during my elementary grade I has a crush but not a lover.My dreamed to become a teacher was my priority but all was in vain,I was failure.

Imagine how long I rendered to do what was a good move as a daughter and a sister,as a good student but how my life twisted in just a moment.Yes,I accepted my fate,I never surrender my life.

I got married to a stranger man in my life and I became a mother of only one.It was a long story to tell but in respect to the father of my son,I don't want to say more about it because he was already in heaven when he was 34yrs old and me too.It has been 14 years ago when he left us and the most regretable moment in my life when he died, I was not there beside him.I was already here working in Saudi Arabia.

We had been together for 8 years in our marriage and my son was 7 years old when I decided to worked here in Saudi.It was not my decission at all.I don't wanna leave my son but I never say no.

Listening to your mother,your father and your husband is really a sign of respect. I respected because I loved them but i would like to tell you,please listen first your inner voice,how it does and why?what would be the consequences?Today, this is the matter that keep on haunted me,why I did not fight for my right?I felt regret but I must dance with the music of my life because this is the way God has given to me.Still,I am proud to be what I used to .There are lots of lesson to learned and never give up in all obstacles in life.It is a sign of success after those failure.As I always said,Gods plan is better than ours I.just cried and cried but after the teardrops pain had gone away.

It is a game of life and i am a gamer. Despite and inspite of all circumstances,I am proud to say now that I fought a good fight and I am done ready to face death whenever God will take my borrowed life.

Being an OFW,my dreamed to become a teacher was continued to my sister when she became a teacher now,I have my youngest brother graduated in accountancy and my midwife sister.They became professionals with my support,because of my stuggle here for 20 years.My son also graduated his course and he has a family now giving me two beautiful grandchildren.

  • How I stand it all and why?

I preferred myself not to be sad,because sadness causes my heart to regret all the past,misgivings concerning the future and make a waste to my present.
It causes the heart to contract, the face to frown,spirit to weaken and hope to vanish away.
Because sadness it pleases the enemy,angers my friends and make the jealous rejoice.So eventhough I had so many regretable moment in my life,I tackled it with hapiness and forget those moment.
Regrets are there but we should not allow those feeling to reign our heart.

@jason04 thank you so much for this challenge,you encourage me to take a little look back to my life.

This is all I can say for today.

Vote for witnesses:

@surpassinggoogle as my proxy

#teardrops smt token

Keep steeming and take it to the moon

Loving you,
Nanay Deevi(@olivia08)

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This post received a $0.420 (57.06%) upvote from @upvotewhale thanks to @olivia08! For more information, check out my profile!

Thank you @upvotewhale