A Teardrop of Regrets and Guilt

There was once a very kind man who raised a little girl just like she was his own daughter. That man was my uncle. He loved and cared for me just like I was his own flesh and blood. He worked very hard, struggled and sacrificed a lot just to send me to school and gave me the best education he could possibly give. Though it was financially tough most of the time, still he sent me to school from elementary until I graduated from college. He provided me with all my needs. He made it his obligation and responsibility to see to it that I reached my dreams. The day I received my college diploma, I knew that he was happy and very proud of me.

He was the one person who always believed in me. Always very supportive of all my endeavors. He's always got my back no matter what. Whenever I'm down he was always there to lift me up. He always knew how to make me feel better. Even when people around me doubted my abilities, not him and not even once. Most of all he made me believe in myself and in all the things I am capable of doing and achieving.

He was also my very first teacher in business. He taught me and exposed me to and in doing business. My inspiration and guide.

He was a very compassionate, thoughtful and generous man. One of the most industrious and honest people i know. Patient, kind, understanding and loving he will always be to me. He was very dear to every one around him. Little children are fond of him. But, he can be strict at times and instilled discipline in me. He was one person who was always willing to lend a helping hand to others in need. Most often than not even at his own expense.

My uncle - Papa I call him. He was always and always is a father to me just as I am a daughter to him. He was a big man not so tall though but that was before "Diabetes" and its company (complications) claimed his life. Slowly, the illness took a toll on his physical state. He became thin because he had to watch and control his food intake. Many do's and don'ts. He became irritable and easily angered. Among the many do's and don'ts I knew he was worried of the expenses for the medication. He was hospitalized twice. He fought and tried to recover. He had a strong will but his body was weak. He had his final hours at home surrounded by his family and loved ones.

The pain of losing him still stings until now. Why? I think because of regrets and guilt. I still regret the many things I could have done for him when he was still alive and healthy and when he was ill. I could have shown him and told him how much I appreciated everything he has done for me. I could have told him how much he means to me. And when he was sick, I could have been more compassionate and kind to him. I can't help but still feel guilty for I know deep in my heart that I haven't been very good to him. I have not repay him his kindness. A part of me wishes that we could have had more time together especially now. We could have gone to the malls and watch movies together. I wish we could have had more time making great memories. I regretted that he wasn't able to stroll at SM. I knew he'd wanted it. And I regretted the most for not telling him I love him.. but hopes he felt the love I have for him. But it's too late. Way very late.

Now I realized how much he impacted my life. His presence was such a significant aspect of my growing years. A very big part of who I am today is because of him. I just owe him a lot. I can not thank him enough for everything he has done for me.

When I look back and reminisce my happy memories with him, all the good times, fun and laughter I can't help but cry for I wish it could have been longer. We could have shared and spend many years together.

He was simply the strong and steady winds beneath my wings. He made sure that even when he is no longer physically present I can still fly and even soar higher.

And for that I am forever grateful.

source of picture: https://alcyon-x.deviantart.com/art/Tear-Drop-364443381