TEARDROPS OF A GIRL: SOMEONE WHO MISSED THE 16 YEARS OF MY LIFE

As a child, you started imagining the things that you want to do or you want to happen to your life. Here comes your JS Prom, where your Mom will tell you, ”You’re so beautiful young lady” and your Dad will tell you, ”Don’t dance with someone who’s not good looking like me”. You also imagine the graduation day, where you want your parents to be with you while marching towards the stage and clapping their hands when you will be awarded of your accomplishments and be proud of you. You also want to your debut to be special, a candle to be lighten by your mother with an inspirational message as one of your 18 candles and the very special dance with your dad as one of your 18 roses. Here comes the I GOT A JOB DAY, where you see your mom and dad eyes that they are so happy that after the hard work in school, you’ve got a job. The first love and the first heart break, where you have their shoulders to cry on. You have your mom advise and your dad who’s to the rescue in beating up the guy who broke your heart, but he will not actually do. There’s a lot more of imagination as a child but you want it to become reality, but in my side "it was an imagination that never happen".

I didn’t experience my JS Prom, my graduation day, my debut, my I got a Job day and my first love and first heart as I want it to be. The reason why behind it is, someone missed the 16 years of my life and that is my DAD.

My father passed away when I was 6 years old, he was shot and killed.

It was the worst day of my life, I lost not just a father but best friend and my first love. I’m still young before and I don’t still understand what’s happening around me. Yes, I’m already six but I don’t know what death really means. They were just telling me that he is sleeping, that he will wake up and play with me again. My family are crying and me just playing around. Then my mom talked to me, she told me that my dad will never comeback because someone killed my father. After then, I my heart was grieving. He is the first man who was there to catch me when I started to fall. The first man to wipe my tears away when I was afraid or hurt. The first man to tell me how beautiful and special I am. A lot of questions were running on my mind. WHY HIM???? Why did they have to kill HIM??!! All of that questions are still running on my mind and trying to find the answer.

I tried not to speak about his death nor to think about it because it makes me miss him more and more. It’s hard to live without a father, there are days where I need someone to save me and rescue me. Someone who will fight for me and who will always be on my side. Some days are harder than others, most of the hard days involve me thinking about what he have missed out on from the past 16 years. Nobody can understand the broken heart that comes from a little girl losing her father. Words can't describe how much I miss my father. You'll always be in my heart.

I love you and I miss you DAD

I have an angel in heaven watching me and I call him DAD

I am still thankful that my mom was strong and she was able to manage to be our mom and our father. She constantly showed me to find the good in life, even when it was even hard to find yourself. I know being a single mom was difficult. You made it look easy to balance everything, even when I knew it wasn’t. Your selfless manner is one of the many reasons I will always look up to you. The unconditional love has made me understand what love truly is. You gave us double love that I ever needed and deserved. It was more than making me feel loved; it was teaching me that even through the difficult situations, I am loved.

Thank you ❤ JESSA

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