Silence

My current car is a piece of crap.

If I am really honest, I can’t really blame the manufacturer. But it is a dud.

One of the problems is the car radio has also packed up and no longer works. So when I travel to work, it is generally in silence. The trip is just over twenty minutes one way. I work at a tannery which is quite a stinky place and it has to be located in the country side. That is a pure bonus to me, to see the grass, trees and even the occasional few flowers, while only having to travel in the lightest traffic. This is South African countryside, not the most beautiful in terms of green like I would imagine places like New Zealand or England are, but beautiful to me non the less and we do have green on the odd occasion.

The greatest advantage of driving a crappy car is that I can’t push the thing, so I must relax and drive calmly. I can’t afford to buy another car as I have too many kids going through varsity and high school (the fate of a good Mormon – lots of kids – luckily I like them). So my radio does not work and I must drive slowly to work through the country side.

What can I do? Think and meditate. Actually that is very nice.

My second eldest has completed her studies and has gone the way of all the world – got a job. She is extremely fortunate and has got a job with a really generous boss. Some of her duties entail driving the kids of the boss around in the afternoon. The boss has given her the car to use several weeks before work starts. It is a lovely car with a radio. So what do kids like to do? Listen to music while driving around.

Now no longer do I like music, regardless of how talented the artists are; it irritates me. I can’t think now while driving with her as sound is so intrusive. I think it must be a sign of getting older, the inability of one to like noise. When I was their age my music was as loud as I could make it and it was hard rock and roll. I still love those bands but they just require too much energy to listen to. If I do listen to music, Dire Straits are more my thing. If the young me had to look forward and see myself now, I am sure it would be with disgusted contempt. When I was driving with my kids earlier this week (who all like listening to music) I asked them why they have to fill their brains with noise, don’t they like to rather use their brains and think the odd thought or two? I got a definite and certain answer describing the qualities of the artist and the insights of the artist, so yes! They do like listening to music, and ALL the time too!

Silence is a treasure in our modern world, noise pollution is a real thing to me.

Now days I enjoy sitting on the veranda in the early evenings, watching the late afternoon turn into twilight. Often the cats come outside and play together, putting on a show for me, or the old dog will come and sit with me. I am left with my thoughts, usually thinking about various authors that are being currently read (at the moment I am going through a non-fiction phase and the latest book is by a South African author, Richard Steyn entitled “Churchill and Smuts. The friendship”).

In this country television came into operation only in the mid 1970’s, so I and most of my siblings developed reading skills, my imagination is far more vivid than TV. I get quickly bored watching the “one-eyed beast” in all its "one dimension" and escape back to my room to read or play chess on the internet. A cat may give me the inestimable honour of their sleeping presence but it is always silent and very seldom intrusive.

My dear wife is always making things; she is nimble fingered in many crafts and likes a bit of noise while doing so. It does not really matter too much what is on; it must just be on. I fully appreciate this and occasionally I must emerge from my lair and share a bit of company.

It is now the year end holidays and my preferred habits must be put on hold as time with the kids is all too fleeting, soon the house will be silent as they go off into their own lives, so spend time with the kids, chat and do the odd thing together. On occasion I will even drag myself off to the dreaded clothing shops with them, it does take time to recover (wallet, energy, patience and lots of making appropriate noises of enthusiastic agreement as to how “fine” designated items of clothing are).

My world however can never really be silent, tinnitus is always there, ringing in the ears; glad the tone is constant and not variable) but all sufferers learn how to cope.

My favourite time of day is after eleven pm. The house has quietened down and all inhabitants have gone to bed to either read or sleep. The keys of my laptop become louder as the background sounds still into silence. The quiet breathing of my companion is reassuring and familiar, going on twenty seven or eight years now. Even the dogs in the neighbourhood are quiet.

I glance up at my mirror above my desk and see various bits of paper, a business card of my neurosurgeon, various quotes and pictures of Jesus. An old word making a corny joke “stu-dying” from when I was, and my favourite quote attributed to Mother Theresa “We need silence to be able to touch souls”, probably the primary reason for this article? Maybe the quote sparked it but I have recently been thinking a lot about the pleasures of silence. I also think that silence is one of the key elements involved in meditation.

I work as an accountant, usually the work requirements are quite basic for my skill set. So I like to have some background music in my office. Music can either wake us up or keep us awake. There are moments when the routine is refreshingly challenged with a problem that must have some “thinking out the box”. Then the companionable music becomes a grinding irritation and all melodious sound must be terminated. Immediately.

There are those who will challenge me on this; that they are able to “multitask”. Well good for them, actually there is no such thing, your attention just switches rapidly from one task to another. If that’s what is meant, I humbly concede to that definition. But it is just like a brilliant pianist who has honed their skills to simultaneously use the left hand, right hand, foot pedals (left and right) and even reading the music. Yep, them fellas are amazing and paid big bucks for a worthy reason.

The time is now a quarter after midnight, and the sleeping pills must be starting to take their toll. A few pieces of animated conversation drift into my room from my youngest chatting to her buddy just before they fall asleep (I can only hope). My fingers are definitely slowing down, damn, I am going to have to stop soon. Especially since earlier this very week Michele woke up from her sleep only to see me with my nose touching the screen trying to “see something”. I was bundled into bed and I vaguely recall her saving my work and switching the laptop off as I fell quickly into sleep. When I opened my article the next morning, I had utterly NO idea of what was recorded. I imagine that is why my nose was virtually touching the screen.

Silence works well when conversing with another. Fatal weakness of mine. I battle to keep quiet and give the other person a chance to talk. Meaningful conversation cannot occur when either party cannot pause, reflect and allow the other conversationalist to think before having a fair slice of opportunity to continue the conversation. If the other person is spending all their focus on waiting to get a word in edgewise as the talker must pause to take a breathe, the quality of conversation will be poor as neither party will be giving themselves a chance to hear the other. The above scenario deteriorates hugely when there is an argument. Probably why voices are raised because both verbal combatants are well aware that the other person is not listening.

I have to confess that I am a culprit of talking too much, and I was really bad in my youth. Only recently have I made the discovery of how enjoyable it is to listen and be silent; to actually and really hear another. My wife may dispute this assertion of mine.

This is how friendships are borne, effective two way communication. To me silence is a treasure for this reason. But never forget that being silent when being bullied or abused is not correct, it can even be very dangerous to the victim.

So we have two kinds of silence, good silence and bad silence. To break the barriers of silence when suffering wrong takes a great deal of courage.

Brings me to my final quote, a favourite of my Dad, who passed away in 2004.
“all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to remain silent”