heart break

only three months and now he is gone.

Nugget only just came into our lives and he was run over by a motor car and killed. When I came home on Tuesday night, I could see my wife was terribly upset. Immediately I feared the worst and my fears were confirmed when I saw the little body in the blanket, held by my crying daughter. My wife found him on the side of the street, and rushed him to a kind vet who tried to resuscitate the kitten. It was to no avail. When I held the blanket the little paw rested on my arm, silky smooth. He seemed to be sleeping. Isn't it incredible? Here one moment and gone the next. It seemed like a dark dream, surely it was not real? But he was gone and a little broken body remained.

Reluctantly I got a spade and buried him under the tree, the same tree where our other cat lies, Teddy. My wife put some flowers on his little grave.

I fear for the future when we pass away. The remaining partner will have to deal with the intense grief of loss. If it feels so painful for a pet, who had only been with us for three months, how will it be for the loss of a loved family member? We have had animals that have died before, it was not so painful because they were old and sickly. As a family we had time to prepare for their farewell. Kyoko, our cat, had severe ailments and her kidneys collapsed. It was merciful to put her to sleep. My dear old dog, Sweetpea, was just so old for a Boerbul; she lived about 4 years beyond her expected lifespan. These occasions of passing were sad but expected.

It was like when my friend Steve Beattie was suddenly killed with an electric shock while working next to his pool. He had just been married and he and his wife were newly married. I remember sobbing like a baby. When my Dad passed away, I did not even shed a tear. We were very close but he had been suffering from an aortic aneurysm for several years. He had to endure years of nausea and disorientation. He was just a skeleton when he passed away. I had always dreaded losing my father and wondered how life would be without him. He has been gone for about fourteen years now. Sometimes I think of him and the things we did together. Fond memories tinge my smiles as I think back. No regrets and lots of admiration for a good humble man. I know that the difference between losing my friend and my Dad was the suddenness, the unexpectedness.

Cancer is called the merciful death. Why you may ask? It is because of time. We are given time to say good bye to each other. My one brother's wife died of cancer after a brave battle. We had time to say goodbye. Make no mistake, cancer is painful towards the end, terribly painful and the victim suffers. Yet time, precious time is given for us to come to terms with departure. I did experience sorrow for the loss of my brother's wife but time was given for us to prepare for her departure.

I nearly died several times with my health dramas in 2015. This has had a major impact on my wife, she is afraid for me and fears my loss. Yet this is what life is all about. There are no guarantees in life, the young feel invincible and always believe that there will be a tomorrow, yet the clock is ticking, inexorably, relentlessly for each one of us.

So my little buddy has gone, all we have is a sad little grave and memories and pictures. The antics, the talking, the irritating of the other cats and the loving cuddles are etched in my mind and the minds of the other family members. The one comfort our family has is that Nugget had a happy life with us, no fearful moments to scar our memories.

Today is two days after his death and for me, already the grief of loss is being tempered by time. It is not quite so painful to think of him, soon it will only be happy memories to treasure. I am not quite there yet.