Tried living the life Aday At a time

Tried Living The Life A Day At a time
I never thought i would be able to ever express how much i have experienced in my 20years of life,so young but yet so aged in the hardships that life ocassionally throws our way.I would like for this to be a story of my courage and fight through depression but not today,i will gain strength from sharing my brothers story.My bestmate,My friend and my brother..Living with an addict for a problem literally drains the life out of your bloodstream.You find yourself constantly putting him first and you never,When it all started i felt jealous...Oh no so frustrated.I hated him,he got all the attention ..Oh no he was a danger to himself.
I was put second,i was not a priority anymore,i cried myself to sleep..I threathened my mother that i would get hooked on drugs too just to have a feel of the love he got.My brother was diagnosed with a light brain..Which meant he would find it hard to accept all the narcotics he constanly downed.Puff Puff..Sniff sniff...It all started the same way,eaxh day,he did it again..Oh look he is on the bed sprawled out.
Hearing the constant cries of my father and the moans of my mother as she beseeched her child to live a life for himself.I couldnt look him in the eyes,i hated him.Why would someone bring so much pain to those he claimed to love,those who gave him life.
Months in the psych home,money wasted but no changes...Living with him,seeing him has made me know that there is such a thing as caregivers fatigue.The constant abnormal episodes from the narcotics effect and the running around never seems to stop.I stay on my bed most times and wish for a better place,where i can escape.I can not talk about it because its stigmatic?No one ever listens..Please dont smoke dont drink..You bring pain but you dont listen.i shed tears...Writing this brings me pain,and its so hurtful i cant put my pain in words and convey it.Living with an addict has changed my life..My perfection of life and it pushed me to study psychology.Now i want to help as many as i can and bring them out of the rumbles they have sinked in..To be able to nurture and connect the person back to the real world away from the hallucinations and the delusions is my story.And i hope you felt it too