Welcome little Link Center House - the newest @Centerlink recipient

Today we received another letter from our newest @Centerlink member.

Please welcome little Link Center House.

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Dear Bloody @Centerlink,

Today I had me severnf kid. He was a boy. Because I love ya so much, I am callin him Link Center House after youse guys. Its been a while since I wrote ya a letter but now I have to cause I needs to get some more benefits from ya’s. How much can I get for seven kids? Surely that a shitload a bucks for me. I get a lot for me uva ones so I guess I’ll get a lot for this one too.

It’s a good fing that I had anuva kid. I lost a lot at the pokies the uva day. I usually get down to me local at around 10 am cause the shitheads won’t open any earlier for me. Once I get to the pokies I only spend a few dollars from me paycheck there. I always limit meself to $50 a day cause I need uva money for ciggies and stuff.

Source

Anyway, I lost a lot uv stuff at the pokies cause there I was, mindin me own business, putting money in free machines at a time and me bloody waters broke. At first I just fought I had pissed me self cause I was bustin and sometime I just piss on the floor cause I don’t wanna loose me pokie machines.

So I got down and sniffed the floor a little to make sure. I still couldn’t tell so I took a little lick…. Nah, it wasn’t piss, I know cause I have drank me own piss before. Its not that great but a bets a bet. Cheryl reconed I couldn’t piss across the kitchen into tha sink, so I showed her… But I missed so had to drink sum of me own piss. It’s a bit salty and smelt a bit but it wasn too bad. Do ya like me tatts??

Anyway, back to me pokies story. After I realised I hadn’t pissed me self, I just thought id dropped a glass a water and kept playin me pokies. Then it happened…… I won tha jackpot. I jumped up and slipped ova on me back in that stuff on tha floor. The ambos came and took me ta hospital. I was pissed. I didn’t even get ta collect me winnins.

Apparently I was gunna have me next kid and me waters broke and then I slipped on em. Anyway, it all happened quick, you know, they slip out like little savs by the time you’ve had ya sixf one. No one was there to see it, Cherly was at home lookin afta me uva kids and little Links dad was, well, I dunno who his Dad is. Could be one of 20 blokes. I like me sex ya know….

Anyhow, can ya give me the extra dosh for the new one. Ya can have him if that means I get more…. I fink he’s a keepa though. He’s gunna be the newsest @Centerlink member ya know. Sign im up early and get im on the list. He aint gunna do nufin with his life, he’ll be a no hoper like his bruvas and sisters too.

Anyways, I gotta run, its been free weeks so its time to make numba eight. I’ll write to ya again soon once the next one is here.

You’re a legend. Fanks.

Luv ya always

From Bev House

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Another @Centerlink success story.

@Centerlink, making Australia great again.