Jail Tales - Doug the Thug

Jail Tails - Doug the Thug aka Dirty Doug

Yo, I'm happymeal and I spent 2 years in Marin County Jail. Spending 6 months in displinary segregation and the rest of the time in the mental health unit, I met a lot of crazy mofo's. These are the stories of what I saw while I spent my time underground.

They called him Doug the Thug, but I call him Dirty Doug.  He did so many drugs that his mind was almost completely gone.  Some of the stuff he did was crazy and gross.  

Dirty Doug was in and out of jail every month.  He would violate his probation and get sentenced to two weeks.  After his two weeks were up, we would joke and tell him, see you tomorrow.  And always within a day or two, he would be back in for another two weeks.

I was cool with him, but I tried to keep my distance, as he was out of it.  One day, Doug was moved into my cell!  A day after he was put into my cell, Doug scored some instant coffee, and he offered me some.  There was no way in hell that I was gonna take something from him, so I politely declined. 

The next thing I knew, Doug poured some of the coffee onto the table and started cutting it up with his ID card, like cocaine.  I thought to myself, "What the hell does he have planned for the coffee?"  And before I knew it Dirty Doug was snorting the coffee, and he snorted a whole ton of it.  After it was all gone, he began blowing huge wads of brown snot out of his nose into the toilet, which was rather disgusting.

Doug told me about his home, he had a tarp on a hillside, which he would sleep under.  Other people told me that Dirty Doug, as soon as he got out of jail, would go to the same park with a case of beer.  The cops knew this and would arrest him every time he showed up there because drinking alcohol was against probation. Poor Doug.

Dirty Doug was rather quiet, but I noticed an odd behavior from him.  His bunk would start shaking around and after a few minutes, he would  make a moaning noise, jump down and wash his hands in the toilet.  I only can imagine what he was doing

After a few days of this, I kinda figured out what he was up to, but I'll leave that up to your imagination.

On the last day, I was out on the yard, (which was just some concrete walls about 30 feet high which was covered in metal grating.  We were underground) and Doug came up to me and pointed to a loogey on the ground.  I was in great fear as to what he was about to do.  He said, "What is that?" and immediately plunged his hand into the spit wad, and stirred it around, looked at it and wiped it off on his clothes, completely unphased by what he had just done.

Finally he was out of my cell, and thank god.  I couldn't take any more of him.  Unfortunately I knew he would be back in jail within the next few days.

Please stay tuned!  I have many more stories to come.  Some from more crazy people, and other's from criminals and murderers.