The Art of Worldly Wisdom -- A Personal Journey

One of the most influential books in my life has been The Art of Worldly Wisdom by the 17th century Spanish Jesuit Baltasar Gracian, which I must have read at least a dozen times. The book offers both a moral and a psychological blueprint for navigating the rocky shores of daily life. The 'advice' is presented in a somewhat obscure fashion and so makes for a highly interpretative read. For someone like me, who is generally drawn to the hard black-and white of things (e.g. Ayn Rand), Gracian yanks me out of my intellectual comfort zone.

At the half-way point in my life, I want to make a dramatic change in how I relate to the world. I will be sharing Gracian's aphorisms with Steemit readers, along with my reflections on what each one means to me...at least at this moment in time. Their meaning shifts depending on the perspective with which I approach them. And, yes, the posts themselves are a new page in how I relate to the world because they break with being private about my feelings and personal experiences.

And, so, in no particular order....here's the first of what I intend to be a daily exploration of Gracian's aphorisms.

Baltasar Gracian's aphorism #262: Know How to Forget. "To know how to forget is more a stroke of fortune than an act of skill. The things that are best forgotten are most likely to be remembered. Not only is memory the villain for failing us when we need her most, but she becomes a fool for remembering those things we want least to remember. In remembering that which gives us pain she is intrusive; in remembering those which give us pleasure, she is negligent. Sometimes the best remedy for the unpleasant is to forget it, but usually it is the remedy, not the unpleasant fact, which is forgotten. Make memory, then, like a comfortable companion -- because it suffices to give either happiness or unhappiness. The spontaneously happy and satisfied are, of course, exceptions, for in their state of innocence, they enjoy their uncomplicated pleasure."

My interpretation: I've tried to cultivate what I call the "fine art of forgetting" when it comes to things (like old grudges) from which I learn nothing or situations that cause me to experience unpleasantness (like embarrassment.) If something was unpleasant and offers no lesson, then why put myself through it again and again? The dynamic is different from 'forgiveness' which is an active choice to remember but to defuse the memory by removing its emotional impact. Forgiveness, even of people who are no longer in your life, allows you to continue a relationship with someone through memories. By contrast, forgetting is a disconnect, especially from people I will never deal again, even to reprimand them.

It can be difficult to forget -- it is an art -- because vicious acts and people can inflict real emotional harm. The tactic that has helped me the most is to realize how profoundly I control the thoughts in my own mind. When I have painful thoughts that hang on and bring no positives with them (such as insight), then I consciously switchto a subject that is either pleasant or neutral. Sometimes I need to throw a conscious 'mental switch' over and over again because the negative thoughts draw me, rather like rubbing a sore in your mouth with your tongue. But I persist because I agree with Gracian that minimalizing the impact of harsh and unproductive memories is a key to peace of mind. Besides which, controlling the direction of my own mind is a good habit to cultivate.