The Most Absurd And Obscure Superheroes Ever Created

Codpiece by DC Comics under CC BY-SA license
A superhero always has a backstory.
Something extraordinary happens to a person giving them superpowers. The superhero then uses his superpowers to overcome impossible situations created by a supervillain.
Superpowers vary from hero to hero. Not every superhero can be indestructible like Wolverine, The Incredible Hulk, Deadpool, Superman, and about 50 other superheroes.
The following superheroes and their superpowers suck.
Dogwelder
Superpower: Welding dogs to his enemies.
Origin: No one knows exactly, but Nikolay Slavyanov invented welding in 1880 and Dogwelder has been around for a long, long time.

available from DC Comics under CC BY-SA license
How can a person who wields dead dogs to his enemies be considered a hero? He kills the dogs himself and then puts them in a large yellow sack to have them handy to weld onto his foes.
He welds dead dogs to people!
Dogwelder is part of DC Comic’s Section 8. A group of superheroes working out of Gotham who are offensively named after government subsidized housing in the United States.
There are several obscure and bizarre superheroes in the Section 8 organization, but Dogwelder is on another level. He’s an absurdist masterpiece.
Snowflake and Safespace
Superpower: Safespace is more defensive, being able to shield an ally of his choosing but not himself. Snowflake is more offensive, being able to summon snowflake shaped shuriken to throw. They/them is Snowflake’s non-binary preferred pronoun.
Origin: Brother and suspiciously affectionate non-binary sister were raised in foster homes. Giving them Batman-like orphan powers.

Available from Marvel Comics under CC BY-SA license
Get ready for the next generation of superheroes that will be instantly forgotten! Though announced in April of 2020, this comic was never released. Marvel is already distancing itself from these embarrassing non-binary twins.
Snowflake is an offensive name for a non-binary superhero. It’s supposed to be ironic that a derogatory synonym for someone weak or fragile is being used for someone as powerful as a superhero, but it’s still offensive.
Safespace isn’t offensive, he’s just a stupid idea.
There were other terrible superheroes named Screentime, B-Negative and Trailblazer announced for Volume 6 of the Marvel’s New Warriors comic book. As of right now it’s release date is still TBD.
The internet threw a massive shit-fit when Marvel announced the project. That was the first and last thing heard of the New-New Warriors.
Pepsi Man
Superpower: To deliver the beverage to those in need.
Origin: The supervillains working at Pepsi’s advertising department created him to get kids hooked on a sugary caffeinated beverage that will ruin their teeth and health.

Pepsiman PS1 game cover
While most characters on this list seem to have been created on a whim or as a dare, Pepsi Man was created for one sole purpose.
To sell Pepsi.
Pepsi Man never got a comic book. The hero was a promotional character for a PS1 game released in Japan only.
The hero can summon infinite 20oz bottles of Pepsi from his body. It sounds nice at first, but imagine being in pain. Feeling alone and hopeless. And all Pepsi Man can do to express himself is generate infinite Pepsi for others. His diabolical creators gave him no mouth, so the hero is unable to enjoy any of the Pepsi he generates.
Pepsi Man is similar to Kool-Aid Man but more athletic and reflective, yet less destructive to masonry. Both serve infinite amounts of a beverage that are decreasing in popularity, but only Pepsi Man is considered a hero and eligible for this list.
Codpiece
Superpower:

from DC Comics under CC BY-SA license
Origin:
He was told that he wasn’t big enough in High School, and though the girl who said it meant his height, he thought she meant his…penis. Due to an inferiority complex about the size of his weiner, he created a suit with a codpiece weapon system and became a supervillain. He primarily robbed banks.
He’s a supervillain, thus shouldn’t be on this list. But I included Codpiece because he can do this:

available from DC Comics under CC BY-SA license
Codpiece might be a villain, but check out that big-dick energy.
Codpiece is lazy character creation on DC’s part. He’s a rip-off of Masters of the Universe character Mekaneck with a multipurpose dick-gun instead of a telescoping neck.

kleft: available from DC Comics under CC BY-SA license Right is PD
DC couldn’t give him a telescoping dick, that would be ridiculous.
Highnote
Superpower: Sings and dances. But really, really good.
Origin: Raoul Hernandez was a saloon dancer in 19th century Colombia when he was contacted by one of the goddesses of Earth’s Pantheon to be their selection as one of the Young Gods faction.

Available from Marvel Comics under CC BY-SA license
Naming a character Raoul Hernandez is like naming a character Jose McSpanish. He’s Latin? No kidding.
I wanted to end this story on a high note. I figured someone, somewhere at some point created a superhero named Highnote. I googled it and there was Highnote, and he was absurd and obscure. Allowing me to end this story on Highnote.