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RE: That one time I had suicidal thoughts... long ago
Very will written write up. Having children truly does change your perspective. I know that it just about completely changed everything about me. Back about 15 or so years ago I would find my mind drifting to the thought of suicide. It was nothing I came close to acting on but I often planned it out, down to the smallest details. Some of my plans involved disposal of the evidence after the fact so that it looked like a homicide. I was really depressed and I'm glad those days are over. In 2006 my father in law did commit suicide, he was a vet and used an IV with a heavy tranquilizer. It really messed with the family and I saw how selfish of an act it truly was.
My biological father (not the one in this story who raised me) did commit suicide a few months before the birth of my first child. So a few months before the birth of his first grandson. He was someone I spoke to off and on, though he didn't raise me. From the age of about 3.5 - 16 years of age I didn't know him. My first child was born when I was 24. I met this biological father when I was 16. Later he came around age 19-20 and spent some time with me and my roommates in college. Then sometime before that son of mine (On steemit as @eli-chanpu) was born he committed suicide.
It was also done for very selfish and stupid reasons.
It sounds like he missed out on some truly great things. As a detective I worked many suicides and a few were easy, scum that leached on society but most weren't. Nobody ever went off on the woods to do it either, it was always at home where family would find them and sometimes it was truly gruesome. I take it back, I did have one in the parking lot of a business where the guy worked. We raided his house for child pornography and the wife called him at work. He shot himself in the parking lot. Less than two weeks later the son shot himself in the backyard of the home and his mom found him.
Sorry to share gruesome details it just got me to thinking. Suicide is not the answer people!
That town where that cliff is I moved back to with my children. I trained to be an EMT there though stopped due to ambulance making me car sick. Though I worked at the medical center there when I was 18, and at a restaurant as my other job. I served a multi-millionaire his lunch one day before he went and shot himself in the head with a shotgun. (not my lunch that did it). I then ended up having to mop and clean the medical center after they brought him there. I didn't see him.
My wife I am married to now (she had 4 kids before me) I met when I was there raising my two sons as a single father. She was a deputy sheriff and had to deal with such things a few times. Her kids came to live with us when they were young and I raised them. This is how I have 6 kids, though 2 are biologically mine ( @gmarsh , @eli-chanpu, are the youngest and my biological kids, @jwinblood, @kellywin21, and @theanubisrider are three others and my oldest daughter Crystal is not on steemit).