Journal Entry 767

Hey Steemians! Here's a journal entry I've kept for quite a while now. I hope you guys like it.

January 21, 2014

As he is grinding his Colombian Dark Roast coffee beans on his small but surprisingly useful Mr. Coffee grinder, the memory of the past evening slowly crept into his mind. The sky was bluish-grey at that time, what time exactly is hard to tell.

It was actually one of the few times he came out of the house and went outside in the last four months.

The fear of the uncertainty about his future was too much to bear, he then plunged into depression, which blew up to a full blown melancholia, which in turn made him turn to suicide.

Suicide... What an interesting thing.

His attempt, which happened weeks before, lead him to this unexpected encounter.

He parked his 2007 Chevrolet Cobalt on the west side outside the red brick city center building and began his ascent to the 5th floor rooftop.

The rooftop has an amazing view of the park across the building and is one of the best spots to view the sunset in the city.

But with the thick gray clouds covering the city almost the entire day, he didn't expect much.

It was his secret place.

His legs was burning as he reached the rooftop, but somehow he liked it.

Trying to catch his breath, he didn't immediately notice the girl climbing the brick railings 30 feet to his left.

When he did finally see her, he was confused.

He wasn't surprised nor had the strong impulse to hurry and stop the girl from what she was obviously about to do.

He was confused.

Confused that he felt some kind of peace.

He felt admiration.

He just stood there, watching her from afar, like trying to savor a moment that you know is about to be gone forever.

That's when he noticed the slight curls at the end of her dark brown hair, tucked under a dark red beanie. Her athletic frame that is still discernible from her brown leather jacket and skinny jeans. And the ankle high black/gray boots she was wearing which makes balancing on the railings even more difficult.

He was in the same exact situation a few weeks back.

"So this is what it looks like from the eyes of another person..." He thought.

He didn't intend to do anything. He just wanted to watch. He didn't plan on saying anything.

"So... it seems like I have a competition". He said.

Of course he wasn't planning on killing himself that afternoon. Perhaps it was his weird way of breaking the ice.

The girl, surprise by the disturbance, started to turn her head towards him. But then decided not to. She just stood there quietly.

He started walking toward the western edge of the rooftop, where the brunette girl was standing.

He reached a spot 10 feet away to where the girl is standing. He leaned in the dusty railing and looked far west into the horizon.

"I love sunsets, and this is one of the best places to watch it here in the city" he said, looking at the faint red-orange streak from afar.

"Don't you try to stop me..." she finally said, with a slight tremble on her voice.

"Nah, I have no plans of stopping you. I'm just here for the sunset" he responded.

After a brief moment of silence he started talking again.

"I was standing on that very same spot a couple of weeks ago..." he said.

"We were always told that suicide is bad, that it is a coward's way out, I believed that"

"But then I realized something."

"What if it was the complete opposite. You need tremendous courage to take your own life. You would have to summon everything you got to overcome the overwhelming instinct for survival." He continued.

The girl still standing on the edge, though not speaking a word, started listening.

"And in that brief moment when I was about to take the leap, I used this new found courage to step down the ledge and continue living"

The last few words were not directed at the girl. He was talking to himself.

"But that was me."

"I'm still not going to stop you. Like I said, I'm just here for the sunset."

With that, he turned his back and made his way to the stairs.

He didn't notice the girl is now looking at him.

"One more thing... If you're going to jump, can you do it on the other side? My car is right below you"

She couldn't resist but chuckle at the request. But before she could say anything, he was gone.

He reached the spot where his car is parked and was tempted to look up, but chose not to.

He just drove out and went home feeling both amused and disappointed.

Amused at the unexpected encounter at the rooftop.

And disappointed that he didn't even notice how beautiful the sunset was that particular day.

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