Suburban Addict - The What IF's

What if I never went down this path?
What if I didn’t spend all that money?
What if I damaged my health permanently?
What if this will never end?
What if I’m fucked for life?

You can speculate all you want, but you know it holds no value. It does not serve you, or your sanity.

Something a little demented in all of us enjoys taking that ride down memory lane, what could of been. You enjoy wondering about the heights you could have reached, had only you not fucked up so many times. Had only you not ignored your inner self screaming, against all signs, just begging to take a small step. Only then things would of shifted the right direction, eventually, and then possibly you would of continued towards recovery.

It’s not real, none of your speculation or thoughts are real. Your past decisions have been such hard turns, layered over one another, that the very first is as strong as the very last. Everything is connected, not to be compartmentalized between who you were, to who you are, to whom you will be. You are the youth who used for the first time, and in that moment you were on the path to this very day.

What is real then? Your breath is real, your voice, your light. The acknowledgement that you are still here, still standing, with an opportunity to impact all whom come in contact with you every day. Do not spend your days on the what if’s based on what you could of done, but rather what you can still do.

What if I turn things around?
What if I see someone for help?
What if I finish this book?
What if I can help others?
What if others need my help?