The frustrations of a stroke

The frustrations of dealing with an unresponsive body are huge. To tell my left hand to do this or that and observe its feeble response is very disheartening. I struggle to button my shirt in the morning and have learned to do it in the mirror to avoid the temper tantrum when I realize I started out with the wrong button to button hole.

And this is really embarrassing and frustrating! For the first few days after my stroke if I had to urinate I would stand up to relieve myself and it would just start coming out! I feared that I was going to have to wear adult diapers. However, the situation soon went in the opposite direction in that I can stand in front of a toilet and Pee a pitiful stream for about 3 minutes because I can't relax the muscles to empty out more quickly. At least it is better than it was by a long shot no pun intended.

It used to be when I heard the national anthem being played while an Olympic athlete from my country stood on the podium receiving a gold medal a tear would come to my eye as it occasionally does for movies with a happy ending. but since my stroke I get weepy to the point of embarrassment and it doesn't take much. Today on television I watched a story about a soldier coming home from the war zone and surprising his family and I just lost it.

Strokes are as individual as fingerprints no two are alike, but they all have similar features like paralysis of limbs to one degree or another and sometimes changes in personality and behavior. I had the type of stroke that makes me more compulsive, which keeps my wife on high alert because I was compulsive before I had a stroke.

One of the most frustrating things about my stroke is that my wife witnessed my therapy sessions and now has become my therapist reminding me every time I do something wrong or do not use opportunities for improvement exercises. I know she means well, but my pride sees it as a new opportunity to rag on me relentlessly. I guess I will have to accept it if I expect a full recovery, but it doesn't make the day any less frustrating.

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