9 Craiziest Things I've been told during my shifts at the ER.

Officer girl here bringing a fun and simple post to you this evening.
The top 9 things I’ve been told while working at The War Zone. If you don’t know what The War Zone is, let me explain. It’s a level one trauma center in the middle of a major city. It’s where my tales and thoughts all begin. It’s the bane and happiness of my existence.

If you only knew what goes on in a hospital…. Might want to stay home next time you get the sniffles. Nah, I’m just kidding. You have people like myself here ready to throw down for you when the crazy begins.

Anyhow, back to the craziest things I’ve been told.

Number 1 on my list:
“They Feed Me Zombie Food” says a patient checking in because he wants a place to stay and some food.
Officer Girl Thoughts: Oh yes my friend this is where your tax money goes…

“I’m Harry Potter's Brother, we are flying back to Hogwarts tonight”
Officer Girl thoughts: Man was having a really fun trip.

“I have Rats coming out of my Virgina”
Officer Girl Thoughts: Blink blink blink, I have no comment on this one

“You’re (as in me) the love of my life, I am going to kill your dad so we can run away together”
Officer Girl Comments Back: Good thing my dad is already dead, he won’t feel a thing.

Grabs my arm as nurses walk over “I have Alien Blood, Please don’t let them take me to the lab”
Officer Girl Thoughts: Cool, I am going to be escorting this one to Area 51 tonight.

“Vampires Keep Biting My Penis”
Officer Girl looks at the bed bugs crawling all over the patient hoping hes a nice patient and we don't have to go hands on with this one: You sure it’s not the bugs crawling on you?
“What bugs? The vampires come in while I am sleeping” Patient starts getting very angry.
Note: He’s looking all around and doesn’t see the infestation.
Officer Girl Screams in a Panic: "Okay, I believe you, it's okay, I believe you"
while begging to whatever god or goddess is listening, please don't make me go hands on>>>> I'll do anything.!)

“He Stabbed Someone in the heiny”
Officer Girl: Wasn’t expecting that

“I don’t like you, get on the ground and crawl out of here”
Officer Girl: hahahahaha tears coming out of my eyes. I am laughing so hard, good luck forcing me to tough this floor with my hands.

“I’m Superman. Can I Fly to The CT scan?” Said as the patient is trying to get out of bed and fly.
Officer Girl: Time to go hands on.

Though this is meant to be humorous, please know that all of the comments made by patients are very serious in their eyes. And this post does not mean that I am insensitive to the fact that these patients need help for their psychological disorders and/or drug addictions. I am very aware that we as a Nation need more resources to actually help these individuals. And though I am joking, I truly am compassionate about these situations and the lack of help we are able to provide.