A CONSERVATIVE ELECTION Chapter one.

DISCLAIMER Nobody in this story is real or based on real people.

Chapter one.

Its seven days before the general election and Theresa May and her adviser Nick are in a limousine on the way to a public rally. “I think the party should have definitely considered my fun tax idea” Theresa mutters to Nick while she is reading the manifesto. “Well it was either the Fun tax or the death tax” Nick replies “you can’t have everything your own way” he adds. Sssssssss Theresa hisses “stop that” Nick tells her you have a rally it’s time to pretend to be nice. “Yes got to be nice for the plebs” Theresa moans.
They drive through a ghetto and Theresa May looks around surprised “it amazing that people live like this, “this place is horrible” she explains. “I want all funding to this area stopped with immediate effect” Theresa demands “I will make a note” Nick answers. “In fact knock it down” Theresa decides Nick looks up at her “knock it down?” he repeats “where will the people go people have children?” he adds. Theresa nearly vomits “do not say the C word” she asks.
They pull up at their destination only to see a huge crowd of people “they love me” Theresa announces “I knew they would love me” she proudly adds. “They’re Corbyn supporters your supporters are the over there” Nick explains. Ssssssss hisses Theresa as she sees about twenty people waiting for her.
She walks over to her audience “remember to be nice” Nick reminds her. “They cut the children’s hospital” one of the local residents moan, Nick looks at Theresa as she attempt to holdback being sick “after an independent enquiry by us it was decided that funding for that particular project was cut and deemed unnecessary” Nick interrupts, Theresa regains her composure.
Theresa May approaches a suited man “you have done this nation a great duty” he says as he grabs her hand “thank you” Theresa replies as she takes her hand back and begins to clean them with anti-bacterial wipes. After twenty minutes of talking Theresa walks up to Nick and begins to complain “Oh these people make me sick” she moans before seeing a camera pointing at her.
“The Conservative government will be forced to implement further cuts in to your areas facilities after all we are now in this together” she states to the camera.
Meanwhile Boris Johnson is being interviewed on the television “I’m here with Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs Boris Johnson” the reporter announces, the interview begins and all is going pretty well for Boris Johnson until somebody in the audience brings up the subject of foodbanks. “I I I I I I think the thing is with foodbanks” he rambles “is it’s a stupid name isn’t it?” the reporter looks at Boris confused “well you can’t eat banks can you? The name implies that they are banks made of food but it is not even a bank, is it?” Boris asks.
It gets worse for Boris when somebody in the audience asks “do you think they war on terror is working and is killing civilians ever acceptable?” Boris grabs his tie and loosens it a bit “there are extremists out there that want us dead” he explains calmly “I think they only way we can deal with these extremists is kill them” he rambles on.
Richard is Boris Johnson’s adviser he is watching and hoping that Boris handles the questions without exposing his stupidity.

The Interview has finished and Richard and Boris have gone back to their office. They are sitting in their office discussing their plan for promoting the party through the election. “I think we should go on a fox hunt” Boris declares “It’s illegal” Richard answers “but but but they foxes roughed up my cat” Boris explains. Richard looks at Boris as he plays with his toy cat he shakes his head and begins writing.