November 2000 -2

Nov 11

I got so angry with parents today! It's totally unfair! This morning mum was heating up the milk to have it warm with dinner and I said that I won't drink it if it gets too hot. Parents, for some reason, exploded on me for this and dad said that as a punishment he won't take me to his work to use the internet. And he went there himself!

I am so bored now! I can't eat (I am dieting), don't have anything to listen to, I can't go and send some E-mails to my penpals. I am not getting the speakers until I "learn how to talk to people". They say that I am always rude and never say anything nice to people, just make orders. Maybe it is true to some extent. But does anyone ever do anything for me? Apart from cooking and laundry? Nothing! They just yell at me for my every word. Pick on me. And how do they expect me to be nice? I don't bring this up with them. There is no way they would listen - I would just get more yelling.

Nov 15

Mum was encouraging me to sing at the next Christmas party at the English school. I am not sure. I like singing some songs but it's embarrassing to sing in public. Maybe only if I get something for it. You know, I am thinking, doing something for something is natural rather than bad. If you really think about it, people only do things for a payoff. Even if they claim that they act out of goodwill. The truth is, they do it mainly for the thought of "I am doing something good". Interesting hey.

Nov 28

I have a dilemma at school. This one girl, Ayaka, wants to be friends with me for some reason. And she follows me around. She told me directly, that she wanted to be friends. It could be a good thing, but the thing is, I don't like her at all. She is very short, ugly and kind of stupid. When she approaches me, I feel awkward. What shall I do? I feel bad rejecting her. She may be nice, but I am worried that I'd be laughed at if I hang out with her. I told about her to Yuki and Risa on the way back from school. You know what Yuki said? "Why not? It would be fun. You should be friends. You don't have friends anyway and you wanted some..." Do you understand what I thought about it? I ignored her for the rest of the way and won't talk to her tomorrow either. I don't know, it may be hard for you to understand it if you have never been in a situation like this. But I think that anyone would have taken this as an offense. See, she meant it in the sense that "you suit each other, it would be fun watching you together". She's been saying mean things to me lately. I don't understand why.