December 2000 -3

Dec 21

There was nothing interesting at school as usual. In the evening, no one was home and I sewed my corset. I got very tired. We don't have a sewing machine so I had to do it all by hand. I didn't have alternatives. Then I decided I wanted to sing. I turned AQUA on and sang along expressively with some moves. I suck but it was fun. Unfortunately mum returned. I continued to sing for a bit and then worked on losing weight along to Hanson - I jumped and did sit-ups etc. I need to get thinner before the holidays!

You know, sometimes, when I can't do something well and I am tempted to give up, ever since I was little I tell myself "if I don't manage it, something bad would happen or I won't get something that I want". Recently when I had this happen to me, I would wish for it to go well in Thai and I always managed to succeed after that. What is waiting for me over there I wonder?

Dec 23

I got to go to dad's work today, although just for an hour. I wrote a couple of E-mails and went to chat rooms. I spotted Yuki there and carried out my old plan. I changed my log-in name and chatted her up. It went perfectly. I made up that I am a 14 year old boy, I live in France and my name is Elvis, I have a sister and a brother. I like Eminem, Craig David and MK&A. She doubted me in the beginning asking "you are Reya, right?" but when I denied it, she apologies and said that she confused me with a friend of hers. (Now I am regretting that I didn't ask her to tell me about that friend!) We parted promising to write to each other. I was very happy because I actually love tricking people, even though I never do it. Then it dawned on me that I don't know how this will end! I hadn't thought of it at all. There are 3 options:

1. Not to write to her at all
2. Pretend to be a perv and scare her off
3. Try to continue the mail exchange ( and this is not a good choice because she might guess that it's me)

It's paramount now that she doesn't find out that it's me. Most likely she would be very angry. But then, would that even make much difference to our current relationship? Now we only talk on the way to school. Her personality has changed so much! Growing up is terrible... I think we used to be good friends because she was similar to me. But now she is like everyone else. It happened so suddenly too! It feels like she never even considered me a best friend and only pretended. Of course I don't want to believe it but I really do feel betrayed. I so wish I could talk to her like before. I wish she'd call me. I can only dream about it now...

Dec 26

This evening we went to have a dinner at the English school's headmistress' place. Ana and her husband came over too. I hadn't seen them for ages. Especially the husband. He taught me a little when I was in 7th grade I think. I spoke some but I felt very shy. It was a little boring but still interesting to listen to them talk and being able to understand the language. The adults spoke about the studies and children etc. They brought me up as an example often and praised me and as usual it made me feel uncomfortable. Also mum was telling Ana what it's like to have children. Sometimes she said really embarrassing things. There was one more thing that struck me as interesting. Ana and her husband are still uni students and they are young. They clearly love each other very much. The romance they show on TV is different. I don't know how to explain it but it was fun watching them. Mum and dad aren't like this anymore. They used to be. I remember those times a little. I don't think I'll even have a loving relationship myself. I am too shy. And I cannot be with boys in the first place. I heard years later that the couple got divorced. Kind of sad...

Dec 31

I will write about how me met the New Year, the beginning of the new millennium!
As it often happens, I was dissatisfied with everything. We did not have much food prepared, the room wasn't too clean. Everyone but me was wearing random things. But it's such a memorable date! Why doesn't anyone care about these things? While they sat around doing nothing of importance I tried to fix things up the best I could. I cleaned, washed the dishes, set the table up nicely. Pete went to sleep at 11 (what on earth is wrong with him? When I was little I was always excited about being allowed to stay up late), but it was rather for the better. Before and after the dinner mum and dad watched concerts on Russian TV and I was pretty bored because all the music sounded the same and boring. But mum was loving it! She forced dad to dance with her and I don't think I remember seeing her jumping around. I was very happy for her. For some reason I always feel happy to see people enjoying themselves, when everything is good. One problem is mum's tummy. How is she not embarrassed about it herself and not trying to get rid of it? We stayed up till 3. I would have stayed up all night but I had got up at 6 and was quite tired and bored by then.

I do wish I could celebrate a New Year at a party, with friends and dancing, good music, snacks and all the rest! Turns out the parents had been invited somewhere but they refused. Obviously, with mum's personality... And Pete! Why couldn't he be a girl? Seriously, why didn't I get a sister but this stupid perv instead?