Scarred For Life...Again: Disastrous Parenthood Terrors - Don't Read If You're Eating (Original Story+Blog)

Since this literally just happened, & the image is seared/branded into my mind, this kind of post needs no images whatsoever. I don't even want to see any images, I will simply describe to you what happened in the best way possible without being too much into detail. The fact that I'm even typing this is hard enough lol

Long story short, being a father of two children of opposite genders there are just somethings you can't prepare for no matter how many video tutorials you watch, one on one dialogues with other parents, or books you read to face what can possibly happen.

I had just got done changing my now 9 month old son Marcello's pampers, and there are two types. People know them as Number 1, and Number 2. Well he had just did Number 2 and I had thought he was finished until he began relieving himself in the second new pampers I had just put on. So I cleaned him up, put another third pamper on him and put him in the high chair clicking in the white lockable table above his legs to relax and he was playing and making noises in peace.

My wife notices he starts pushing through his mouth making motorboat sounds, and she asks,
"Is he still not finished?"
I say, "Yes he's finished, he's just making funny noises."

He had made those noises before so it wasn't uncommon to hear this motorboat/motorcycle sound when he purses his lips together and blows.

5 minutes go by

His pacifier fell out of his mouth and I thought it fell to his left side underneath the highchair's removable table by his thigh, so I put my hand down to grab it and I got the biggest handful of YOU KNOW WHAT

He was going number 2 the entire time and his pampers had over flowed in a solid mass

It was so disgusting
I thought it was leftover food or something at first when I grabbed it and pulled my hand up
But when the smell hit my nose, and I realized the situation, I almost gagged...

My wife saw my hand eyes wide, jaw hanging and completely started laughing and freaking out at me

Needless to say, I wiped my hands with loads of tissue, baby wipes and practically burned the skin off of my right hand in hot water and soap

I don't know how many times I pushed down on the hand soap and scraped under my fingernails and rubbed my hands to the bone
But that was such a bad experience that I just had lol

We cleaned Marcello for the fourth time put the fourth pamper on within the same hour and cleaned the highchair and got him dressed in some new clothes....

Being a parent is amazing but this definitely comes with the territory

For the record, my daughter Harmony @happyharmonymay, as my first child, she never gave any kind of problems like this

No peeing in my face or worse, just a normal changing pamper routine, but with my son,
it is just an unpredictable war zone every time I unfasten his used, full pampers

I think it is time to order a bio-hazardous suit, gas mask and impenetrable gloves now....

My son is now cuddled into my arms, and he is making funny noises again.

My wife has the sarcastic nerve to ask me, "Is he doing it again?"

I said "No" confidently

And she rebuttals with... "How do you know?" and then continues to laugh at me

I feel like washing my hands again for the 20th time, but I am 100% sure they are clean...

I also wish I could hashtag this post as fiction...