Losing Interest - Personality quirks and some other things

What holds your interest? This might seem an irrelevant question but it seems to interest me. Do I sense irony? I think I do. What happens when you find something interesting? You indulge, don’t you? There are two ways people handle the same. There are people who seem to play distant towards it and some actually display the interest they have towards another person. 

For the people who are playing hard to get (in this scenario) are running a risk that the other person might loose interest in them or it might work so perfectly due to the general curiosity as well as the issues we have when we don't get what we want. For me, it’s a play. I try to steal my interest that I have towards them so that I can look under the hood. How they react to my play and what would they do. This is what interests me, how people react in certain situations. This tells me how they would react to you in future and is it worth it? Is it worth my mental peace to talk to that person? 

Anyways, let’s talk about what happens if the person with whom you are playing hard to get is also playing the same. Nothing happens, I guess because whenever this happened with me I was never able to back down. If I am playing I am gonna play there is nothing she/he can do make me back down. I know it seems childish but that’s how I am. 

She saw me I saw her

Eyes meet and we are always talking 

We fight we take it light

We fail to agree then

We agree to something else

This is what usually happens, that would be my guess. I have always felt that I cannot make everyone happy but the problem being making others happy or indulging them in me makes me feel happy. 

You might feel that this is selfish but I am also making other people happy if you missed that point. For the people who are bullshit according to me are not treated the same way. I won’t be there for the bullshit has had to offer. Again, as it would mess with my peace of mind. 

When I came to Bangalore, I like a stud put it up on Facebook. Letting all the 653something friends that I have moved to Bangalore. I accept that might have been the biggest mistake as well as a good thing. Due to that, I met two people. One called me and told me to let’s meet and I was like I have nothing to do, why not? This guy was from my school. Never talked to the guy in school. You know the cost of Facebook in the modern age, that I had to meet him. I went met him. He was like that he had found something worthwhile as he might have made a new friend and I was still in the assessing phase of my meet. I told the guy I am a little low on cash as I had just shifted to Bangalore. He said that we can go to a cheap place. Anyways, we sat and started drinking. Two-three minutes into it I noticed that we were not having any conversations rather we was showing off where we had gone and what had we done. It was a pissing contest from which I took retirement after half an hour and started drinking my beer and enjoying the music that the place was playing. Hard rock and blues what else did I wanted? I was in bliss with the music. We left the guy asked me if I wanted to smoke weed with him, I pass even without thinking for a moment. I went to my PG and slept the day off. I would say the time spent was not worth it. Time is not stopping if you know. 

Later that month another acquaintance came along. I was reluctant to go as I never met with people for the sake of meeting them. I went reached the place the people were friendly, nonjudging and talked some sense. No one is pissing how did that and this just genuine conversations be it bikes, people or anything(just conversations). I had a good time no stress on my brain.

I think I deviated from the thought of line we were having. Coming back to it. But think of it. This interests me I don't care if it doesn’t interest you. No one is to blame. #Smile

I never used to meet old acquaintances because they never came into my circle because I judged them alike. For me it always has been I’ll be with everyone but when I need to sit and talk it’s going to be my friends. However, coming to Bangalore I broke this circle. I met some people and found out there are two faces to it. One, you get bullshit from the people you expected but still, it took my peace of mind. Two, it changed the perspective towards some people. Hence, making a new friend. 

Once a friend told me I put up with everyone bullshit because I want to make everyone happy and that makes me a fake person. I thought about it and got depressed. It made me feel like I have been cheating myself. Thinking that I might have been shallow for all this time. Then, like always I lost interest for it. Later I came to realize that it all has a purpose and line of work I do I need to be like that and it doesn’t define me. It only portraits how I operate. Giving me my confidence back where I needed it to be.

I have given myself what was needed

There is nobody that can do the same for me

I am here for myself and I am here for you