Feeling of Freedom (My Original Story)
When she woke up, it was raining. Stretching on wrinkled sheets she tried to rally her random thoughts at least. In five minutes she finally understood that it was beyond her power, so the girl left a bed and went to make coffee. Every time this divine drink helped her order her feelings and thoughts which visited her every night.
Holding a cup in hands and lighting a mint cigarette at the same time she cast a glance at the watch that hung over a dining table. Seven minutes to six a.m. “Hmm, I haven’t long woken up so early”, the girl thought taking a pull at cigarette smoke. The reason for such early awaking on Sunday morning was definitely another strange dream. She saw them so often that even didn’t manage to realize them. Mostly, these dreams were about her inner world, not many of them were about her place in this huge hostile space.
Peering through queer clouds of cigarette smoke that comforted her unbelievably, the girl tried to remember as many details as possible regarding her dream. This time she sat right near the edge of the roof of the five-storied building and tried to weigh up all pros and cons of the desire to feel endless freedom, just for some seconds. The free fall incredibly attracted her but, besides this, something allegedly prevented her, so she couldn’t embark on this step. But this something was not a fear.
No, the girl stopped being afraid of anything long ago as she left this all behind. This was a kind of feeling that she should keep this for later. Some more time, and she would fully enjoy unbelievable freedom she’d dreamt for so long. It was difficult to say how much time had gone while she pondered but nothing had been decided yet. And now, finishing her cold coffee and opening up a new cigarette box she realized that tonight she wouldn’t put it off.
She madly desired to enjoy the feeling of absolute, unrestricted, overarching freedom. In her dream at least. After deliberating over everything, the girl started to plan her present day. She wanted to make it as vivid as possible as nobody knew what the tomorrow morning will be. Putting on old shabby but so favourite dark jeans and a purple t-shirt with a butterfly on her back quickly she went out.
It was still raining and it wasn’t going to stop. It was like it played with itself, becoming lighter or stronger, and observed with genuine interest how people reacted to such changes. That early rainy morning there weren’t so many people and for some reason they only knew, all of them went in a hurry under big colourful umbrellas.
The girl went out, looked around and walked through puddles firmly and leisurely. She even didn’t think that she should take an umbrella but rain was so beautiful… She walked being in no hurry and she seemed to choose bigger puddles and enjoy cold drops falling on her face. The girl walked without focusing on the route, without noticing anything and being away.
It was difficult to realize how much time she spent on it, but when a loud honk brought her to reality, it was getting dark. “How strange… it seems as if I came out not so long ago, and it’s getting dark”. With this idea the girl crossed the road and called on a bakery.
She always liked a smell in such small shops selling fresh pastry. She remembered her childhood, that happy time when her grandmother treated her with hot fresh cakes, buns, pies… And now, standing in front of the window she couldn’t decide what to choose. She was bewildered and if a salesman didn’t tell her that in fifteen minutes a shop must close, who would know how much time the girl would stay being in this consternation. Looking at the window the last time she ordered two crunchy cakes with condensed milk.
It was quite late and the girl went home. At that time rain almost stopped but it seemed to her that there were less people in the street. She never understood why they are afraid of rain, darkness and silence. She felt comfortable now. Night was coming on, it was drizzling pleasantly, and she went along the desert streets alone. What else does one need to feel happy?
In several hours the girl came into her flat, took off her clothes, put fragrant pastry out of a package and made coffee. After having dinner she played calming music, sat in the soft armchair and lit a cigarette. As usual, she had a lot of thought and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't catch them.
Breathing smoke again and again the girl closed her eyes and let herself think about nothing. Just some time. She immediately felt light and calm, she wanted to forget everything and would never remember it. She spent some time sitting like this and then felt that she plunged into a sleep. Her body became lighter and then almost weightless.
At that moment she found herself on the roof of that building. “It’s not hard”, she thought, “I just need to take a step, and then… then I’ll enjoy long-awaited freedom”. It seemed to be easier in her dream than in reality so the girl didn’t doubt. Without felling a little fear she took a step and felt something inimitable. It exceeded her boldest expectations.
The feeling of unrestricted freedom. It filled into everything around her. She felt freedom even in her tips. And she wanted more. More and more. She didn’t want this feeling to come to an end. She enjoyed, her eyes were opened a little and she continued smiling. Well, for this feeling she could even die. “How miserable all those people who are not bold enough to do it”, this thought passed her mind.
And then the girl woke up. When she finally became conscious, she realized that everything would change. The world around her would be different. Because she became different. She was free. It was deep inside. And forever.
*photo from yandex.com
Hope you enjoyed this story.
With love and gratitude for you all, Natalia