Wishing For The Lesser Of Two Evils
Daniel and I do not plan on having children anytime soon. I'm not saying pregnancy is a bad thing, or an evil thing don't get me wrong. I am a firm believer that until you are ready to bring a child into this world that you shouldn't and right now I'm not ready. Maybe someday, but we are young and still starting out our lives together. So you must understand that it was a very big deal when two weeks ago we found ourselves wishing that I was pregnant. Here is a little back story as to why.
So it started out when I was a lot younger, when puberty hit I was still a full blown tomboy and wasn't afraid of getting hurt. So I was in Grade 8 (freshmen year). It was December holidays, the year my dad got sick and my brother and I was in the pool playing ninja (a made up game where we would kick and hit inside the water trying to hit the other person with the undercurrent we were creating. Sometimes there would be contact, but it never hurt much and we tried to be far enough away from each other that it didn't happen to often.
On such a day of playing ninja, my brother accidentally kicked my chest, it hurt a lot more than what I was used to and brushed it off as my breast still growing. After the holiday we went home and my chest was getting worse, in fact it hurt so much that I could hardly pick anything up with my right arm. At this point my mom took me to the doctor who discovered that I had a lump in my chest.
This scared me and after a few tests it came back that the lump was a sist (blood clot) causing infection and with some medication after a week the lump was gone and I went on with my life.
Skip 3 years, I was 16 and I don't recall if I hurt myself again or what happened but my chest had the same pain again. This time the lump was bigger. After I had it examined by the doctor, he sent me to get an ultrasound so they could figure out how big it is and what it is. During the ultrasound they discovered that they could feel the lump but it didn't show in the scan. Off I went to x-rays, again nothing showed up. (Except the bill that would probably kill you)
The doctor then decided to do a FNA - (fine-needle aspiration). This is a procedure where they stick a needle into what they think is a cancerous mass to collect cells to test the theory of it being cancer. One thing you should know about me, I'm deathly afraid of needles. I was also very large breasted at this point and awake so I saw every inch of that very large, very thick needle. Sticking it in they struggled to collect any moisture. I could see that this worried the doctor doing the procedure.
It was then that it hit me that I could have cancer. A week went past and I was starting to accept my fate. News came by that it wasn't cancerous and that it was only scar tissue. I was told that if it bothered me that they would be happy to remove it, can you guess what I said... (Yes I still have that lump).
After the second scare I stopped playing rough. So when two weeks ago my breast became sensitive and upon self inspection I found what felt like multiple little lumps and a bigger mass inside. Daniel and I started hoping that I was pregnant. This time it didn't feel the same as the first two times and was more sensitive so we had a little but of hope.
The same day Daniel got me a pregnancy test and the next morning I did the test and it came out negative. Daniel refused to accept the results and told me to test again the next day. Again it came out Negative.
I have honestly never seen anyone as scared as I saw Daniel when I told him. Since it was the weekend and we needed a doctor's referral to go to the public hospital we waited and just spent time with each other. On Sunday evening I had discovered that the mass and lumps had gone and so had my previous cup size. I know I probably should still have myself checked out but I really don't like hospitals or needles.
Because of it being so close to Halloween and October is Breast cancer awareness month I thought I'd share my little horror story with all of you.
Till next time
xoxo
@thegoldencookie