Take me home dear bus...

Wish day would have 40 hours instead of 24 and i trully wish we, humans could function at full speed ahead by only 2-3 hours of sleep...
So this chaotic/energic day started when i woke up ( i slept only 4 hours because i could not sleep early in night...as i cannot most of the time..) and after prepared( drinked coffee and put some clothes on) to take my son from school...
Since i got out from house i noticed...SNOW...beautiful snow which started a few hours ago for the first time in our city but i didn.t enjoyed too much the cold probably because my immune sistem isn.t that high and i catch cold very often since i was child..
School has some policy that parents should wait for the kids to get out from school, outside the school gate...you can imagine how pleasant it was at -5 degrees Celsius outside..having to always protect my mouth from breathing really cold air ( because i.m a smoker for 15 years i easely get my lungs sick and i always have to be careful...) so i had to wait for my son for like 30 min until he got out. When we finally met i was shocked his grandmother didn.t asked him to put a comforter when he went to school in the morning, and i asked him why he didn.t put and the whole discussion went into arguing which i had to drop because when we argue he doesn.t understand what i try to explain to him:D...i forgot to mention that recently, a few months ago after spending a week in hospital bcs he had a severe breathing attack ( where i couldn.t be beside him because i was taking care of his baby sister and i had no one to left her with so i could be beside him in hospital...i asked my husband to talk with my daughters grandparents but his familly cared more about telenovelas which we had between us rather than trying to help a mom be beside her sick kid...i suffered a lot and i begged my mom at least her to go be with him over night and she managed to do it on third night...it was first major time when i actually felt the difference between my son and my daughter..which was painful and heart-breaking) , he was diagnosed with asthma so makes me want to be more careful for him but because of his rebelios attitude ( oh gee...wonder where he got it:D... ) is hard for me to find ways to explain to him and he could really get it and understand that is for his own good...on the way home he said his legs are freezing but in rest he.s ok...the mom alert lighted in my head and wouldn.t give me peace. We got home and i tried to push a bit my mommy limits and told him if he doesn.t put a comforter on next day i woun.t buy him any sweets or stuff he wants until he.s 18:))...he got upset on me and the worst thing is that his grandparents were supporting him and again i had to blew the discussion off but hopefully he and his grandparents will act more mature tomorrow or day after tomorrow and/or i will have to find another way to make him understand the comforter is good to wear andprotects his health...
After i started looking online after some warm pants to buy for him eventhough i was really low level with the money i couldn`t just ignore the fact that he is cold and needs the pants...if i have not to smoke for a few days is ok..it woun.t kill me:D..then my mommy light went on remembering that my daughter needs since two weeks needs some winter boots and i tried to make the money for it but i never succeded bcs bills had to be paid..food to be bought and so on...and she wasn.t going out that often bcs she is very immune fragile too and she was in vacation from kindergarden so her dad was keeping her more inside..knowing that today was her first day on this year of kindergarden i knew that she really needs fast some warm shoes...so i thought ok...if i got to not smoke for double days ok...so be it...they need these and i.m their mommy not some stranger passing by and looking at how sweet and smart they are..
So i went at the shop by bus, travel aprox 15 bus stations.

I searched for the boots and pants i had in mind:

After an hour i finally got to pay them and leave..was so hard to find my sons exact wearing number because he.s a bit bigger than kids his age and i didn.t measured either his measures neither my daughters eventhought i asked her dad to do it for a month but he never did it..).
So i tooked bus until metro station where i had to shift stations to get at my daughters place where she.s staying with her dad and his familly...
I didn.t get to eat something until that hour ( around 5:20 pm) and i became very sleepy and very hungry and i had to deal with this state until i would get home and maybe prepare something..
When i got at my daughters place, her dad was at gym:/( he knew i was coming) and i had to wait for him for 40 min to arrive( in the meantime i was hearing her voice outside of the door but i couldn.t get in to see her...not until her dad was home...i felt like i wanted to just grab her and run away with her and never come back..but i couldn.t...at least not now...and it broke my heart but i tried/still try, not to get too deep in this thought and just wait). Finally her dad camed and after 2 min he tooked her out and when she saw me...when she saw me her face just lighted up and raise her hands and run towards me to take her in my arms <3 ( makes me cry now when i write...i miss her every day and every night and each second i.m not beside her...it.s so hard to describe in words..too hard..) and we hugged and we kissed and she was smilling and happy and looking at me and touching my face and laughing...we haven.t seen eachother for a week..after i told her i have something for her and i showed her and kissed her little feet and put her shoes and she loved them <3...i told her they.re not so fancy but they will keep her warm...( now i just keep on crying and i don.t know if i can continue writting....sorry...)...i will put some pics with my baby heart and with what i managed to get them to both of them...for a few minutes i was again my daughters mommy...her best friend..her everything...oh God..i can.t write..i can.t express it without crying...it.s so hard and it.s eating me inside like a cancer...i saw her first thing she got out from inside of me 3 years ago almost...my head still can.t understand everything is happening and why..and my heart keeps on suffering..hope she can take more..because things aren.t close to an ending happy point yet..
Title i put in the post was because i had to travel again at the shop at 8:30 pm bcs my sons pants were too small...and i wanted to buy him pants which would fit him better but when i got at the cashier who was a nice smilling young lady...who told me oups..insufficient funds...and i felt my weakness and i went to buy cheaper and warming leggings so he could wear them beneath his pants...so even now until 23 pm i didn.t got to eat and i trully wanted to make today an interesting and nice post but i don`t have enough energy left to create one today so until tomorrow i thought to share with you my crazy/energetic/cold/full of some minutes of love from my baby girl...queen of my heart and her brother, king of my soul....
Here she.s wearing my hat bcs she liked it and i catched her in pic:)

Here i made her laught by showing her the "WHATSSSUUUUUUUUP" move:D

Her dad was beside and he didn.t get it hat i was trying to make her laugh and commented "oh you have nothing else better to teach her?"....i choosed to focus on my daughter and pretend i didn.t hear him...

Here her father was showing me my daughter before sleep...(that.s how i get to put her in bed for a few months...and i barely get to see her on whatsup like this too...it happends only when her dad is in an ok mood)

I love you baby girl...i exist and fight for you and your brother till the end...i.m your mother...your friend...your base in this kind-of upside-down world!