My First Car - Loved and Lost

Citroen AX. It only had 4 gears and a top of speed of about 95mph, no power steering, hand-wind windows and no AC, the interior was cheap grey plastic.  It was a strange maroon colour, the paint was flaking and rust was taking hold. Still, I regret selling it for scrap when the gearbox finally gave out. It was more than a car; it was a memory box. 

 

I bought it for £700 in 2004, and my dad, with infinite patience, taught me to drive in it. I scraped past my test on the first attempt, and suddenly freedom of the open road stretched out in front of me. My hands and legs were shaking and my stomach churning when I started the engine and set off for school on my first solo journey. I pushed it up to 80mph on the dual carriageway with Electric Six on the stereo – Danger, High Voltge. I loved how it would writhe and shake as the speedometer crept up, and how the music had to be really loud to compete with the whine of the engine and the rush of wind through unseen holes. 

It was incredibly light, and accelerated surprisingly fast. Waiting at lights, I’d slip the clutch, always watching for the red on the opposite set to show, giving me my queue to shoot away first. On winding backroads the AX was unleashed, heavy last minute braking, thrashed into sharp bends. There was always the feeling of danger; the thin tires weren’t quite glued to the tarmac, if I judged something slightly wrong I’d fly off the road. 

Sometimes a couple of mates would pester me into skipping class, and we’d drive to the llama farm, or the café, or some forgotten place, hazy long summer days drifting past our windows. We tore through the countryside or idled through small towns with cigarette smoke and rock and roll trailing in our wake. 

Leaning across, head cocked at an awkward angle and seatbelt in the way, I kissed the first girl I loved in the front of that car. I drove her to the airport the day she left, and we said our bitter goodbyes from the same seats. 

Over thousands of miles one little rusting car gave me a chance to of explore, to see something for the first time, to get lost. Behind the wheel, often alone, othertimes with friends, lovers, family along for the ride.  Places and memories came and went, here one minute, gone the next.