The Beginning of My Journey

I have always had a burning desire to understand how the universe works, what its life is, its meaning, and its purpose.
I am here. Looking back, I can see that my whole life revolved around my search for truth and understanding.
I grew up in a very intelligent, educated, and religious family. My parents did not really believe in God, and from the beginning, I remember having the belief that belief in God was a personal invention, a dream, a superstition created to help people feel better about the inexplicable, inexplicable, real situation. in. The existence of man, or any other form of life, was simply a natural hazard and had no logical meaning. I preferred to admit that I did not know how we came to be here or why, rather than to find a simple explanation just to have a sense of security. I believed that the truth was logical and that anything that could not be scientifically proven was wrong. I felt somewhat submissive even to people who were weak enough to make a god to believe in.
The good thing about this upbringing was that I did not receive much of the strong teaching and negative messages about right and wrong, heaven and hell, and the sin that most people experience in their early religious training. On the other hand, I had no idea or knowledge of the spirit world, and I had no answers to the questions I had about the meaning and purpose of my life. My parents really wanted a baby, and they loved me dearly.
Unfortunately, they were unable to repair their relationship and broke up when I was two years old. Although I do not remember it clearly, I do know that this event had a profound effect on my life and affected my recent relationships in the relationship. After the divorce, I lived with my mother who never married or had any other children. My father remarried, and I often visited my father with another family.
My mother began a successful career as a city planner in the days when women were few in the field. She faced the usual challenges of being a single parent - trying to balance her child's needs with her work needs. Being the only child of a working mother, I had a strong sense of responsibility and satisfaction in time.
My mother is an adventurer. He loves to try new things, and for me, he was a good example of a fearless pioneer. She was one of the first American women to learn in her generation to give birth naturally. I was the first child whose doctor had ever given birth without anesthesia. I was blessed with a very lucky birth. (September 30, 1948, 9:10 p.m. Trenton, New Jersey, to all you astrologers!)
My mom loves exploring new places and we traveled a lot as a child - all over the United States, going to the West Indies, Mexico, Hawaii, Europe. We moved every time my mother changed jobs. Until I was about fifteen years old, I had never lived in one place for more than two or three years.
My mother's family was Quaker, and we still used “common language” when talking to my grandmother (saying “you” instead of “you” to Quakers is a personal acknowledgment of God). Thus, on a grand scale, I gained a deep respect for the spirit and concern for humanity associated with the Quaker religion, which I feel had a profound effect on me later in life.
At the age of fourteen I went through a traumatic period in my life. Starting with the breakdown of my first love affair (with a "grown man" at the age of nineteen - I was sure no one could compare me), there was a deep despair and long life. I looked at life for a long time and realized that there was really no point or purpose in it. I realized that all the things I should have given meaning to my life — education, success, relationships, money — were just temporary, meaningless, and futile. There seemed to be no other way to fill the void. I was very depressed and depressed, and I basically lived in that situation for several years.
Looking back, I can see that I was going through an experience that we all have to go through at one time or another (or many times) - what the mystics call the piercing veil of deception. It is a point at which we begin to realize that our physical world is not real and that we turn inward to receive the spirit part of our existence. At these times, we often feel, emotionally, that we are knocking, but as we hit the ground it is almost as if we are falling through a trap door into a new place - the inner place of the soul, where we can begin. explore our connection to life in a new way. When we can overcome our fears and go through “the dark night of the soul,” we are greeted by the beginning of a new and deeper journey.