I wanted to commit suicide because of a quarrel with my mother

It's a very long history, it's hard for me to remember about this, but it's necessary to say it.

In that distant past, I was 20 years old (now I am a 35-year-old married woman with 2 children), by that time I had already divorced and had a one-year-old daughter on my hands. I was young, I wanted to fall in love again and soon such a person appeared. A new life has begun! Because with my daughter I lived with my parents, I had no problems meeting a guy, sometimes we slept in a hotel or at his house, and my mother looked after my daughter.

Once we went to the hotel, stayed there until the morning, at lunch, returned to my house, and my mother rolled a real scandal: they say, she left her child, I think only about myself and all that. As a result, before my boyfriend, she hit me with a plastic bottle of milk on the head and went to a cafe with a friend. My boyfriend also left, and I was left alone, or rather, with my daughter creeping at my feet, and a terrible thought crept into my mind: why did I live? Who needs my life? My father always mocked me, ex-husband beat, changed, kept me pregnant locked up, my mother humiliated me, who needs me? About the child at that time, I did not even think, was in a state of affect.

I do not know what came over me, but as in delirium, I climbed into the medicine cabinet, took out some pills, there were about 40 of them, washed down with mineral water and threw a vial from the balcony. Soon it became very bad for me: my head began to spin, my body began to beat in death cramps, my arms and legs began to arched unnaturally. Suddenly it became scary - and what will happen to my child if I die? I crawled to the floor above, to neighbors, I lost consciousness, they called an ambulance (we did not have a home phone).

Further as in delirium: washing the stomach, slapping the face, the hospital. Then I found out that I was saved - the pills turned out to be overdue and if the ambulance arrived not at the right time, now I would not write this confession.

As a result, with my MCH I broke up, tk. he told all of our mutual friends that I wanted to commit suicide because of him, and not because of an argument with my mother. You have the right to judge me, but I did not know what I was doing, I did not think about my daughter. She will soon be 16 years old and she still does not know anything about this story. She does not know that she might never have had a mother. Daughter, my dear, forgive me for everything! In this sin, I repented at the church, confessed, I very much hope that God forgave me.