I killed him to protect my mother, or I wished I killed him. Witnessing Domestic violence
It was a dark and stormy evening in the small town where I was born and raised. I was in the front room trying to keep an eye on my mommy, because I knew the arguing was escalating.
You think a small 8 year old boy wouldn't be able to fight off a drunk man, but I was born part gladiator and this drunk man could see the warrior in me.
I remember being so terrified of what was going to happen next, and how did I know he was going to hit my mommy.
I remember jumping off the couch and running to the kitchen and I remember my older brother running out the front door. I think my brother was thinking to get help, and I was thinking to kill the motherfucker.
I remember my mom crying in the bathroom and the bastard telling her how sorry he was. I can see my mom crying as she is looking at at herself in the vanity mirror. Blood is all over the place and I have a knife at his back.
With all the rage a little boy can have, I tell him to take her to the hospital or I will kill him. I can see his terrified facial expression to this day, and It took me several years to let go of this terrible memory.
I also regretted for many years, not sticking the large kitchen knife in his kidney.
This was the first time that @runridefly wanted to kill someone.
I hear you!
If you do ever re-live that moment, and you need an alibi.... just sayin!
You were very brave runridefly. I genuinely believe I know exactly how you felt, your outrage and conviction. People who hurt others through weakness or spite make me sick. I hate bullies...i had similar issues with my dad, though he never actually hit my mom, he did everything but. A gambler and a drunk. Fucking cowards. He tried to take the house when he finally left after virtually destroying her over many years. She still didn't want him to leave her. I told him i'd dedicate my life to hunting him down if he didn't sign it over to her....he always worked overseas....and throwing him off a balcony. He knew I mean't it so he signed it over to her. The violence descends down from the false flags and the wars, fed by tribalism, greed and lies. It feeds from cycles of perpetuation and infects so many. The irony in my story is obvious, it was the threat of overwhelming force, coming from a place of total conviction which had formed from all the violence I had witnessed against my mom, that ensured she kept her house. It was all he understood. There is enough violence perpetrated by the elite without us all doing the damage for them.
@benjojo, it was not my dad, but my step dad. Don't know if I could of fought against my dad. Don't think my dad struck my mom, but he hit my older brother a few times. Didn't know this until recently.
@benjojo, i was afraid to become a dad for so many reasons and it wasn't an accident that fatherhood came to me as a middle-aged man. I was haunted by my fear of my dad, and I didn't want my children to be afraid of me.
When we search out for people in life, we find people that we can relate to. I'm sorry about what you had to go through, but it has made you the man you are today, and I think you're too shelf my friend.
You were a brave little kid, man. I cannot imagine myself doing it at age of 8. Nonetheless, I feel you and I bet it was the right thing to do
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