child's awareness

who am i , what am i , how come i'm alive ?
These are the questions i have asked myself as a kid since the moment i was just a year old. i remember holding the baby bed rail while i watch my brother watching me , his eyes just staring me with words :"i'm conscious'' . Ever since i kept reminding myself every moment of my self awareness , as i grew things had gotten strange. Being aware was all that really mattered , locking myself in a room and meditating with it , just living in the mind . Nothing could convince me to do things properly cause that's all i wanted to do ; feel aware .

Dreams started to become my new reality , with all those years in my own awareness i became conscious within the dreams . Walking in it , finding myself at the same places in them and wanting to permanently in there .

I became socially unacceptable , as i slept during all my classes to just go back in a place of comfort . I preferred the fields of tanned grass surrounded by trees and a windmill pumping the water of a well beneath it . The breeze of the whiffling grass , the water running out of the well to a little puddle and the squeaking windmill sound were the only things to be heard before the silence came of my conscious mind reminding me of the living being i am .

true story here , goodnight everyone -zzz