The Mystery Of Ayers Rock (Australia) Explained

Due to months of diligent research and one intriguing interview, I have been able to unravel a mystery that has been baffling scientists for many, many years... The mystery of Ayers Rock in Australia. This sandstone monolith rises high above the desert in central Australia and has confounded scientists and onlookers of all sorts. Well, the confusion is over!

Ayers Rock is a giant spaceship. I know what you're thinking...It's a rock! The "spaceship" comes from a planet in our galaxy, Xdgjurtifp (pronounced xdgjurtifp). It was built by an ancient group of aliens that wished to explore the galaxy. According to a book recovered by a Mrs. Dolores Krempler, of Peoria, Illinois while cleaning an attic somewhere in rural Indiana that I was able to painstakingly translate, the story goes something like this...

Xdgjurtifp is a flat planet that lies directly above Earth in our own Milky Way galaxy. After the ship was loaded millions of Xdgjurtifpians pushed it over the side and it plummeted lightyears until landing with a gigantic thud in the Australian desert, somewhere around the year 1834. The noise disturbed the local inhabitants, a tribe called the Pitjantjatjara, who went to see what had happened. The inhabitants of the craft, of course didn't speak the local dialect and attempted to communicate using gestures and sign language. They hoped to get a push and vacate the barren desert. Having a vast knowledge of astronomy,the locals tried in vain to explain that Earth isn't flat and a push wouldn't help in the least but the language barrier was too great. The name the locals gave to the ship was Urulu, which in their language means spaceship. The aliens thought the Earthlings wanted money and tried to pay them off- to no avail. So our intrepid space travelers set off on foot in search of what they were searching for when they arrived here- adventure, chicks and beer (not necessarily in that order).

They thought about returning to the ship because the trip was arduous, but they had unwittingly locked the keys inside so return was out of the question. They wound up in Enid Oklahoma where they were arrested for vagrancy and solicitation of prostitution. Apparently one of the party had propositioned a minister's wife. She was going to let the whole thing slide, but upon being rebuffed, the culprit unceremoniously snatched off her hat and pissed in it. Well, that was just too much and she called the local sheriff. They were carted off to jail but released after a couple days when, because of the language difference, everybody thought they were all crazy.

I know you probably don't believe this story, but I have a witness to its authenticity... the only living descendant of the expedition, a Mr. Ubkwcateh, who was good enough to verify my translation of the text (I let him keep it as a memento for his help). He was also good enough to let me have a photograph of himself.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!