A story like no other _Chapter 6_(100% real)

A story like no other
Chapter 6
I was there , alive but not living. High on life but terrified of the future.
I know that sun will rise afterwards , but for how long shall I be living in the shadows .
It’s dark in here , cold , wet and gloomy…
They say there is light at the end of the tunnel but where is it ? i cannot see it .
It’s blurry .my vision my senses , everything is chaotic . but there is a glance of hope . a sparkle in the absolute obscurity .
It was shining bright and vivid , full of life , glowing . small but full of hope .
Was it the end of the tunnel ? not sure but it definitely caught my sight right away.
Crossing my lonely path . full of joy she bumped into me leaving my speechless infront of her beauty.
And yes ! the light impersonating the shape of a female .
I dont know why i always see women as my saviours inspite that they always let me down , but that’s how my path is full of rocks . most of them are just rocks of sand and dirt , others are rare and unique . stones wity bright colours .
Where should i find my diamond ? should i climb mountains or make an excavation and surch the ground with an axe for protection on my heart and a shovel for the mining .
Is she hid deep down in the ground , she is precious .cannot be found so easily but if i stop looking so hard i might find her , so close no matter how far .so near but only my third eye can see it , when will I equip this third eye ? this magical tool that shows the world clearer and marvellous .

Can i be that person that only see roses when there is nothing but thorn actually in his way .
Can i be a lover once , true love along with the taste of victory combined with success ?
That’s the dream right ? to settle down , have a family and get a life . but is it what i want ?
I have chose a path and my words were clear , whether I be enlightened or live a mental like the rest of the crowd .
We are claiming that we all have brains , thinking minds . but are they functional ? i doubt it.
I’ll be a leader not to command but to guide and need a wing man or should i say woman .
A partner who shares the same passion with me . strong and supportive , a person that he is everything to me and like a castle he will be .a woman who is so strong , independent , standing on her feet , head up high like a fortress defending it’s children from the evil invadors with its high thick walls even the tallest ladder is out of it’s reach .
This is my woman . the one i am looking for . she is the reason , the main reason why , that i am alive , desperately looking for her . everywhere and anywhere . where are you my diamond ?
Come to me .I’ll take care of you , I’ll refine and smoothing up your edges .
You are beautiful but in my hands you will be gorgious .
I am looking and i DID found someone , I have to know and take a glance on how women can be . to discover , to get closer to her , to choose wisely , to know my type .

Beauty is not everything nor do love . to be in harmoney and in complete understanding with a woman is what I am aiming for . and yes I am too close to find her , my one and only.
But , i am not sure. Is she ? the one that i’m suppose to spend the rest of my days with, to love and cherish untill death do us apart .
I am really confused , because i loved her tremendously once .
The moment i saw her , and the moment i saw her again in our sacret place .public but it felt like its just me and her because the light was her and my eyes could only see through it .
She made me realize my greatness .but she belongs to someone else .
I see hesitation and shaky voice when she talks about him.this guy that i did’nt know .that she never speaks of , is not the one for her. But i want her to be happy . even if she is not with me , my own , my princess…
I want to see her dressed in white with a wide smide upon her slender face . a smile that is so wide that shows two raws of her teeth , she ll smile untill her tiny mouth and jaws hurts .
Does she knows that i care this much ? does she feels my heart beats when i m with her ?
Is shed doing the right thing making me a friend no more a lover ?
She is impressed by my character and good heart , my loyalty to her grace and to every woman in my life wich i’ll make her a crown above my head and never take it off.
Gemstones can never get rusty . but i twill lose its worth and brightness in the wrong hands , a person, who does’nt appreciate what he have even the smallest ones can be huge in the eyes of a true lover .
I’ve never got to confess to her .i’ve never got the chance to bend the knee for my crowning to be the knight and protector of the realm . her personal companion who defends her always .
But can a knight with his sacret duty to get too much pride and ask for her majisty to be her king ?
Is he forgetting his place ? or as a knight he is ment to serve and protect with his shiny armor and sharp sword as he is destined to be .
Even if he wants to be a king he ll always remain a knight . because he has the spirit of a worrior .
The station girl , i ve always been your eagle who watches you from above the clowds . a falcon who targets every move you make to attack eveyone who comes to annoy you and ruin your mood but this time your strong falcon is woonded . because he is the one who caused you pain . you are both connected by a spiritual bond .if you are sad he will be devastated , if you are happy he will be glad , if you are indiffrent he’ ll worries.
This time I MADE YOU CRY , and by your crying winter falls like a doomed spirit on my spot making me shivering ; cold , frozen and no heat could raise the temperature of my bony body . because you were the chimney who keeps me warm and without the timber i give you to devour , you ll be turned off.
I saw her standing alone in the cold in the depth of winter but i felt warmth around , these words from a girl in the station article keep coming back , get rewinded . because nothing has changed , you are still in love with another .or are you ?
I am not making you to love me . it’s just does’nt feel right. And after connection she declines . its not with me dear , i am concent of the person i am today .but you…
Find yourself SIHEM , i gave you a spark but that spark did’nt turn to fire .because you are not black oil , then what are you ?
Real yellow gold ? so precious and solid and heavy but does’nt explode ? it’s true gold is extremly expencive and rare metal. But comparing to oil , that moves and unstable with a complexed combination that creates light and glows with the tiniest portions of fire it reacts .
I gave you a sparke from the fire i have , but yet nothing happened. Nothing exploded . creating heat and light and energie.
Find yourself SIHEM , because you are on your own .stop fighting , stop resisting ! and move , like the oil because its gold too but its black.
Every time my phone rings , i suspect that it s a text from you , and it was it that changes me to the better . you see, only one text message from one particular someone can change your whole mood , and this person was her . SIHEM , arrows , whatever name they gave you you ll remain undefined because you cannot be found unless you are with the right person .
For six months , no sign of her . not a trace not even a picture to make me admire her beauty .how can i forget a beautiful face like hers but my desires don’t get enough , always want her there , in my mind .
As the matter effect she does’nt post any pictures and did’nt change her current profile picture . some hot chick , in black and white . and she said when i brought that into discussion , « i am way better than her , at least that was it’s been told » .
So yeah , we met after 6 months . does’nt seem so long like it looks like because we ve talked evey night .she kept my mind busy , my heart imprisonned and my soul trapped in admiration.
So untill now , you must be wondering why she is getting so much attention,compliments and prize . there is no answer for that because i can’t find any.it’s unspeakale . i am caught in her web , her well plotted strings , sewed with care , tight and solid . holding me firmly right in the center of it . and i am laying there ready to be her meal . getting brain sucked , the blood in my vains untill i twill go dry . but i don’t die . i ll live in her heart because now after sacrifice we become one , collided in one single energie form . floating in the wide universe , free and unlimited .
I was a little bit far that night, called her . she allaowed me to go home . but i could’nt leave her alone at night . i walked quickly . there was no cabs , in rush hour . i’ve told her , that i am coming over because i needed a cab my own from the town center .but i lied. there was a reason , so obvious behind my transportation to her location . i wanted to see her badly .
So i walked and walked … believing that i will see her and enjoy my sight of her slender face , wide smile and chubby cheeks . her tiny mouth wich i like the most.
So i am here in the alley . looking forward , shoulders up , confident walk and thrilled to see the station girl . i was surching for a girl , who is so beautiful that no one will come near her .so my sight lended on her lovely figure . i stopped ! more likely that the world stopped , stopped due to respect and welcoming two lonely hearts that got together that night .
I slowly approached her and like i spy i was , so cautious . and stand inches away from her .
She took a quick glance . i bet she knew that it was the shape of a man , medium hight and with a fancy coat , and then she could’nt resist curiosity so she looked again but kept staring for a few seconds .
At first she did’nt recognize me untill i uttered my first words and said hi , then it was how are you ? and endless chat that lasts for an hour and a half .
The thing is , waiting for a cab with her was exiting for me , unlike her i did’nt want to go home . so i kept her busy and i kept moving alot wich annoyed her .
She was mysterious holding secrets . and i confronted her with it reguardless that i was being so open to her while she is not . so i complained .
She said i am « fejfej » and that’s a nick name i came up with attached to the fact of her being my best female friend . so know your limits racem , you are friendzoned .
But that did’nt stop me . i kept flirting , teasing and being energetic and making her laugh . people , strangers noticed that she ment something to me and assumed that she is my girlfriend untill a guy has spoken « leave the cab and get back to your lover »
That was the sweetest lie i ve ever heared and told her right away and she told me a while back to stop touching her hand and to keep my distance . so she was’nt against the idea of meeting me but against being in public surrounded by envious eyes.
Ok , it was a lovely night and i wonder about the kind of people she hangs out with and from my investigations i concluded that they were a bunch of gold diggers . it’s true we need money , we need to dress well , get to clubs and fancy places and drive a nice car . i had none of those things . i had nothing but a good heart and the ability to share my motions and thoughts via writing . that’s why she kept me a secret worring that her bloody friends will judge me and hurt my feelings (or ashamed).
Time goes by so quickly untill i grabed a cigarette and light it up , the time i did that , the fume got in her face , she felt unease and i uttered a word so fast without any plans or thinking of the outcome of that big word .
I said « he loves you » … aquestion mark all over her face. ! ! ! once i ve said it i quickly changed my speech and the mood of the conversation talking nonsense ,stalling.
I said then « he loves you not I » and insisted on he and laughed . she smiled and with an exhale. i certainly knew that i am falling for her again and fooling myself not to .that’s all .
And a while ahead i did a stupid act of love spontaniously and again my brain was’nt functional .
She felt cold , it was freezing and i ve seen her complaining and whining about it .and i ve touched her jacket it was thin i said « hey let me fix it » and start taking off my coat untill she interrupted me with a glare and her tone changed .
She was’nt mean because she knew my good intentions , but she was afraid of people and her boyfriend .
I wanted to say it was an act of love but instead i said it was an act of a gentelman and only ressemblance in movies and yes she likes it and blushed.
A while after a cab parked and people rushed to it and so did I and managed to get it for her.
So here i am , completed my mission making sure she is safe and sound , and i closed the door and stepped back slowly and stood still watching her go anxiously whether i am going to see her again and gone my way too.
Could’nt sleep that night , eyes heavy but heart pumping and crushing my cage of bones to get to her.
Two days from the meeting in the station again , i found her and like always leaving herself in undisirable position in rush hour , i bought some desert . she said thanks for the good gesture but i ate earlier . OK fair enough , i was being serious this time and firmly said with determination « SIHEM , if you feel that i am a threat to your relationship with james bond (her bf) then i am walking away i dont want to ruin your future » future ? she said « who said that my future is with him or that i am counting on it ? »
To be honest i was’nt expecting that answer , and felt weird becuase i was going to let her be on her way and move on but no she refused to do so . not this time but many others .
She wanted me near , in her life . i still don’t know why and i m not making huge expctations of making her mine or something but yeah it was a glitter in the dark.
That glitter has soon faded away later on that night . i was being a dick in chat. I was exited , not thinking .
Like a child with a brand new toy not knowing how to use it preperly untill he breaks it.
Later that night we chatted about stuff and among those stuff some sick teasing i made . it’s true she was a close friend but i forgot that she is also a girl and do get insecure and sensitive .
So with those dirty sick jokes i kept doing untill the last one was the worst , after hitting send , i read it again and realized that i fucked the whole thing up with my reckless behaviour .
She always tells me that i’m being childish when i say adult jokes ; i thought it was fun , maybe in memes and for men, because girls get easily offended and yes it was offensive the thing i said .
I made a desprate attempt appologizing all over her social media . finally she accepted it but cold blooded , i guess now she ll never gonna talk to me again .
Lonely nights ahead of me , there will be only me and my pen and my broken heart and the guilt i ll carry for the rest of my life .
I Just need to believe that the station girl is gone or still i don’t know untill she reads chapter 6 . her chapter , we might still friends but not like we were before because girls save it all , and remembers all the wrong moves and never forgives you for what you did wrong .
I need to know that laying hopes on something doesn't always pays off , especially if she is not into you from the first place .
Just being nice because you were nice to her and she is just reflecting your kind attitude with her and taking it back to you. And that’s the end of the story .
Move on you little prick ! love is not here , you re been looking in the wrong place fetching the wrong hearts.
So here i am writing about her , SIHEM ! she left and never going back , she left but leaving a mark wich was sculpted in my heart with feathers that says
« THE GREATER YOUR CAPACITY TO LOVE , THE GREATER YOUR CAPACITY TO FEEL THE PAIN » sihem