NUEL

I’m at work hungry and exhausted and all I can think of all is the blessings God has bestowed me with.I have this great guy who i am in a relationship with,his name is Nuel. Nuel is everything a lot of men his age aren’t. He is nice,caring very friendly with both the male and female gender plus he is a very God fearing man is that not a plus ( I know right) Nuel is my knight in shining armour,even though he is not as rich as I would have loved him to be or as other guys with ill gotten money or daddy’s money are,but he provided for me in his capacity and that was one of the beautiful things I loved about him.
I am the type of girl that very little things make happy,in other words I am easy to please as I would like to think though. You can imagine how happy I feel when he gives me or goes out of his way to make me happy. Nuel doesn’t know this but I say a prayer blessing him for the times he performs those tiny wonderful miracles for me.
I have dated and have been treated unfairly most times ,because in those previous relationships I always went out of my way to please and love till my heart bled and eyes sore from crying while I was being traumatized and scared. I went around with unhealed wounds and ugly scars and slowly I let this wounds infect my relationship like leprosy and I slowly started to destroy something that was envied by my friends and even enemies .
I could not tolerate some of the things he did e.g like keeping female friends and even making and receiving calls from them. I wanted to be his Apple of his eyes little did I know I was the apple of his heart ,he loved me deeply in such a way that scared me mostly…so I lashed out every chance I got to be angry with him. When I mean lash out, I mean I practically fought him physically,sometimes I inflicted bodily wounds on him and in some occasions I crashed and hit objects. I disrespected him in those moments and yet Nuel still loved me .
I pushed this man who loved me to points that every reasonable man would have backed away ,after all women are every where yet he loved me with this my temper issue, Nuel was not exactly perfect he too was flawed and yes he is ..he is and can be mean and unguarded with words in the bids to hit a point and that was a problem for me and we clashed more than often but yet it wasn’t reason for me to fight him the way I do.
I have allowed anger ruin something which was beautiful the moment we met. I think Nuel has given up on us,he has so withdrawn from me,I feel we are detached but which relationship would not have suffered all this as mine is currently suffering. I have abused the love he had for me, I am worried he may not love me genuinely as he used to even though we are working on thin ice with each other now.
I wish for everything to get back to normal but I doubt it can be the way it used to be, right now I have resigned myself to fate and I am more focused on being a better person and dealing with my temper issues and at the same time I am allowing my past hurt and anger go and taking time to heal gradually.
One thing, I know for sure is I would be happier if Nuel and I can work past this together but unfortunately if we can’t and we go separate ways,the woman he ends up with would be extremely lucky.
As for me Clara, I put my hope in God and wish both of us well.