Hey @sejandmyself nice work. I would like to give you an honest feedback.
First of all, i have to say great Work. It looks like, you put a lot of work in it.
But what i noticed, you use a lot of other languages in it, like in verse seven. For me, i don´t understand this language and so i can´t understand the full poem. Especially not, what you are trying to tell us. So my question is, do you always do that? If yes, then keep going, it looks like you are doing something right! If not, maybe think about putting less other languages in it an rely more on englisch.