LET IT HE DROWNED MUCH MUCH MUCH, BUT I DO NOT FEEL ANYTHING ...

Someone will take me for a madman, someone will start to discuss, but this is your opinion

One summer, I was 12 at the time, my friend and I went to her village (her friend's name was Yulia), and here summer we come to the village all the way, she told me about the boy whom she loves (she is a year older than me), but I did not know that is love, yes, sympathy. I liked boys, but girls at the age of 12 are very sympathetic and craving for love (I understand it now).

Well, when she came to the village, Julia ran me to introduce her beloved. his name was Andrew I will not say that the handsome man from the cover is a nice tall guy with a beautiful smile and gentle hands and to say he knew how to really beautiful girl could fill up with compliments and here we met (I want to clarify that my friend he was not even cute was as in her 13 she weighed 100 kg and I was a skinny little girl with two pigtails) he immediately saw me and began to call me gently the sun, he rolled me on a motorcycle (a friend was angry with me but I could not help it, the first feelings and all that) (I want to say that in my 12 speech was exhibited at all 17 and I read a lot of psychology). continue Andrew treated me as if I was a goddess listened to me talking and did not consider me a child at all!

As time passed everything became more neglected, he flooded me with flowers torn at a club he knew how to speak so beautifully could always laugh and comfort to support.

Summer passed we did not go to the village and he lived there we only had phone calls and his rare visits and at that time he was 18 and soon he had to be drafted into the army I promised to wait and very worried people for a few months of dating became truly expensive me and I realized that I fall in love (as I then thought) he went into the army and there were letters and rare calls. The time was ringing. There were less letters, too, but I was not upset, because he did not write to my girlfriend either! I knew all his friends and they said that he did not have time!

at the end of the service we stopped talking (but I did not have much stress but I was worried) I was growing up in one day I found out that he came back I was not much older at that time just 13 I was upset why I did not tell me. Julia came to me and said that he was in our yard and I ran out and saw him he seemed to feel me with his back turned and froze I cried he changed so much but I will not say that the worst had to be communicated and he ran up lifted me in his arms and circled and shouted I was so bored knowing I was happy we were talking and it was time to go to my house he did not want to let go kissing my hand (and from that moment I began to change). I ran to the house and from that moment I understood this love the whole world for me was he. I did not notice anyone was immersed in it I thought I was breathing them I do not know what feelings he had for me but he was writing and that he could not feel without me!

It was summer he came to me I to him I turned 14 I began to get spoiled began to walk until 12 nights getting from my mom (dad does not have me), everyone said Pauline he is not for you, he cheats on you, he does not need you but I did not want believe with me he is such a gentle tender you envy answered I all raved about them everywhere his photo of thought only about him but we did not meet and he began to distance himself I began to ask what was happening he began to speak I need a serious relationship a girl needs and began to hint at a sex pier I'm very used to you but I'm a man I need something, for more. and I was faced with a choice, or I lie down under him and we either do not communicate together (he said that he does not want me to regret everything later, so he offered to not talk anymore, but I could not do without him.) After 3 days sitting at home and not with who, without saying I was just drinking water, I started to go out. "As a person, I was not interested in anything, although in life I was a cheerful person and I decided that this was the only decision and agreed with his choice.Of course I did not have to write what I would give, or make a phone call.

He understood everything very much was glad and a week later everything happened, he was gentle and affectionate, and all represented me as a girl I was glad! but something began to change in me, I became tougher, I did not admit anyone to him, I became jealous and thought was (I was wasting this step in vain), I began to catch myself thinking that I was. Not that I love him but he just became a property. Once I came to his acquaintance without a call as he did not pick up the phone and he was not at home. I thought maybe she knows because the numbers were not and the address knew.

I went to the door and opened the door, we knew each other and I see excitement in her eyes. she walked away from the door and I see he is sitting in some shorts I turned around on her she was in a dressing gown I turned around and silently walked away saying do not call me anymore. already at the stop I burst into tears and could not stop. I listened to the player in which the same song of the goats was playing rain (outside the window drumming rain the gray shadow walks in the twilight ...) and this song became my hymn and remembrance of it

I went to the door and opened the door, we knew each other and I see excitement in her eyes. she walked away from the door and I see he is sitting in some shorts I turned around on her she was in a dressing gown I turned around and silently walked away saying do not call me anymore. already at the stop I burst into tears and could not stop. I listened to the player in which the same song of the goats was playing rain (outside the window drumming rain the gray shadow is walking in the twilight ...) and this song became my hymn and remembrance of it.

he came. After 30 minutes under the window, shouting called but I did not go out. I cried all night. in the morning saw him near the entrance with a large bouquet of roses in the shower was pain and resentment (as he could have thought in my head). he apologized swore, he achieved that it would not be like this anymore and it lasted a week and yet I forgave him (love) we began to spend time together walked kissing he said that I would be his wife that we will have beautiful children like me! but after a time of treason repeated the pain of resentment feeling that the heart was crumbling and enduring more I could not have been easier not to communicate to endure the pain than to feel that you did not need about a month I was like a vegetable and all listened to the same Song.

It was time I did not see it and it seemed to me easier to think less about Him, I was looking for guys (he, too, was not particularly trying to get it back) and then the horror began as soon as I found a young man he appeared and I did not hold back. he came back cursing with friends because of me saying that, then just the connection I still love, I became cruel in me every time as if the metal wall grew but every time we broke up because of his adultery (for me, betrayal if just a kiss on the cheek I took for flirting) but at that moment I had a friend who supported me and was 10 years older!

and once the last and final parting happened when we cursed he hit me on the cheek with a ponto cool and that I could not forgive, I called my friend, he came (right now it's my husband) and took it but this man did not leave me alone wrote I was looking for meeting called and even watched!

I got into a relationship with my friend and once my boyfriend saw me on high pitch scolding him and he just wanted to raise his hand to me as my guy grabbed another and hit him since we do not talk but sometimes I remember him scrolling all over in my head I got that he did not like me but simply filling up with compliments and gentle words. And I took everything for love.

But now I'm happy, I have a husband (that same friend) and my son is already a year and 9!