Come to my first "Petty Party": Commuting with A "C"... Word.

in story •  2 years ago


A couple of months ago I told you about my "Petty Parties." Like roaming rave parties it can happen at any time, any where. It's a play on words inviting one and all to read some stuff that you simply can't make up.

All my life I've been commuting alone. I might share a temporary trip with someone for a small stint but that's about it. There was nothing to think about. Come to think of it, I enjoy and would prefer it.
I call my own shots. In a spilt second I could alter my route. Not while I'm with the wife though!

Before I start getting into it, let me say that I immediately noticed that on days when I go in late she seems to leave right on time but when we leave together I always end up having to wait on her. Is it irony, a "repetitive coincidence" or done on purpose? Because that's what it seems to me.

My spirit lifting wife's schedule had changed from 9am to 8am. She's all excited and says "Now we can go to work together!" I'm like, yeah...great.

Since we're in New York, we don't have to drive, we take public transportation to commute. The very first thing she does the very first day is change my bus route!

OK, I'll admit. Although my bus stop has less stops and one block closer, her choice gave us a two bus option for better odds. I'll give her that. I guess it's the principle of it. I mean, with the apps we now have we could simply look up the times for the bus at the closest stop and walk in that direction but that would be just too damn simple. So to prevent unnecessary stress when I'm with her I just walk the extra blocks.

On our way to the bus:
Ok granted, she's not the leanest person but she is a self proclaimed gym rat that works out 4 times a week (with the most slowest metabolism and results I have ever seen). Nonetheless, a brisk walk should be nothing from someone that claims they're an avid elliptic machine user.

Here comes the bus. All it would take is a pinch of hustle, just a brief trot, at least a power walk for a few measly feet to meet with the bus by the time it gets there. I thought the idea was to not miss it!

I'm looking at her like "would you c'mon?!" While I jog up with the hope that she'd even try to catch up. Nope, she continues to catwalk with conviction. The door closes as soon as we get to it and this type of shit happens all of the time!

Her rationale is "why rush? Another bus will be here soon". Yes, although that inevitability is a truth but:

  1. There's never any guarantee that it will be "here soon."
  2. The bus was right there and mostly empty.
  3. we would've been in motion already instead of where we are now, standing still where we started.
  4. The upcoming buses are usually always more occupied than the ones before it particularly during rush hours.

It gets better! She must use a particular bus even though they're all going relatively the same place. It doesn't matter how early or empty it is, if it's not the one that causes us to walk the extra block she won't take it because it doesn't stop near the entrance that is close to her preferred car, preferred seat. I guess she's trying to create some sort of pseudo first class commuting experience.

She has no respect for order. Whenever we get to the bus stop and there are people already standing there, she would just walk right up and stand in front of them as if they were holding a space in line for her.

If the bus rolls past us in front of someone else, she wouldn't wait her turn, she would skip the next merging passenger and get on. You can see the others looking at each other shaking their heads in disgust. I would avoid any eye contact in embarrassment. I couldn't help but feel like I'm being judged, verdict guilty by association.

Being a man, I couldn't possibly do what my wife did and skip all those women. That act in itself is emasculating. Some of the regulars that would usually see this are familiar with her antics and would allow me to get on with her.

I have to carry a bag for work and she has a bit of girth. I have to take into consideration where I sit due to this; not her.. She would pick the seats with the least space distribution causing me to hang over into the aisle. It's bad enough that some of these buses have these raised dividers between the seats. I don't know who came up with the measurements because they appear to be based only on fit, thin people like myself and that's not very realistic. Just keep it smooth, with no dividers.

Our mutual disproportion in body mass offsets how we sit. That forces me to sit off center, on that edge where my butt bone would grind against that divider edge. I'd often get squished between her and a harder place. It's like a deleted scene from the movie Norbit.

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Lol omg this is hilarious

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Thanks, and to make it funnier, it's all real! Please follow me if you haven't already, more to come.

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