Mabel's Diary: My Guardian

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I am Mabel Storm. 41 yrs old woman. I am a psychiatrist. A motivator and a writer. That is all you will know about me for now...

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Pale tears drip weakly as I write. In all my life, I have written about my patients in my diary but this is the saddest. Desaturated dots of tears plagues my shambled papers. While writing this, amidst tears, I crossed out all the grieving sentences, the dying comas, the rebellious fullstops, the bleeding question marks, pausing to weep before starting to write all over again. Burying crushed eyes in desolate handkerchief but my diary awaits me. For my pen must bleed!

THEIR STORY.

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The siblings started out like ponds and streams, valleys and oceans. Natalie, the indispensable sister. Justin, the Guardian.
Justin was what others called him but for no reason other than a boundless love he preferred to be called "Guardian" the one his elder sister called him.

MAY, 2015. 12.45pm

Natalie the elder sister, suffered from asthma. Like falling streams, she walks about. Her obese brother was her strength, her guardian.

The times 17 year old Justin hated the most were the moments his sister's eye rolled and dimmed from cardiac pain, when her breathings screeched and she would raise her hands to no one in particular, struggling for breath, chained in detestable asthma attacks. If possible he would have loved to exchange his own defect with hers but not even did he want his sister to be obese.

"I told you not to join me in the exercise! I told you not to join me again! I can lose weight on my own! Natalie! Natalie!" His voice roared as worried tears flushed out of his eyes.

Glued in fear of loss, his shivering hands forced the inhaler into her sorrowful helpless mouth.
Her gasps had become a soluble music that kept him up at night.

When the gasping was over, he knew his sister too well. He knew she would drag him to herself and weep uncontrollably in his hand. Every tear that escaped her eyes had pricked every part of his existence.

"You are the best sister in the world. I just love you too much"
He spoke, sealing the tears.

JULY 2015, 10.00am.

She was the snow and he was the snow man. She was the pretty rain and he was the beautiful daffodils flowers that danced merrily to the waves of the rain. Another joyful moment in their lives was when Justin gained admission.

"Natalie" He had screamed joyfully, almost flinging his phone on her face.

"Angel?" She grinned knowingly, a joyful tear rolled down her sick eyes.

"Yes, yes sis! I have been given admission! We are in the same department now! Psychology.
When she asked him what he wanted to become. The reply was sharp "We would become psychologists. We would impact and teach" . He made sure to stress the pronoun "We" so that his eyes faded into a bright hope and his love-lettered teeth whispered of unity and familial love.

Like she had promised months back, Natalie threw her hands around his obesed body, coughing admist light gasps, gathering pitiable energy from bottomless vacuum.

"Put me down, put me down" He laughed cherrily.

SEPTEMBER, 2015. 6pm.

Briskly, Jasmine had walked into the car in the garage. She sank into the chair as her shivering hands searched out for causes of severe chest pain in the internet.

"Heart attack!" She yelled, bursting into tears of agony. Boxing the floor wasn't even, so she grabbed the tale end of her blouse and stuffed it tightly in her mouth. Eyes closed deeply, illuminated with the painful reality of leaving behind a beloved brother.

"How can I leave Justin? When will the heart attack come? No! No! I don't want to leave him" No!

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Like the speed of light, Jasmine bursted into the living room after reading the tales of her death from the internet.
Her brown eyes met with Justin's seemingly metallic eyes. Distracted for a few seconds, she watched his smile freezed into a sad look.

"What's wrong?" Justin panicked. He wasn't done with his words, when she ran into his hands that quickly opened to welcome her.

He was still, he didn't know what to do. Finally, he gave in to whimping as she dipped her hand through his curly full brown hair, unravelling it for questions that had no answers. Then she wept and even though he had no idea what broke her heart, he joined her. Plastering careful pats on her back and whispering "Don't cry. Stop crying, please"

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Freeing herself from his tight hug, she dropped a kiss on his head before running to her room, making her mind not to look back but when she got to the extreme end, she turned back and there he stood weeping and heaving in her pool of tears.
From thence, the fear of death crowned her head gloriously.

NOVEMBER 29, 2015. 11.55pm.

It was late at night when Justin crawled up to his sister's room. He missed the thrills of sleeping next to eachother like they did when they were younger but the truth was he worried so much about his sick sister. He loved her so much to have even disturbed her sleep.
as they slept, beautiful memories from their childhood flooded their dreams.

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'you are here' Natalie said sleepily.

DECEMBER 1, 2015. 10.00am

The morning was bright but if you take a closer look at it, there was still a sad black star twinkling on the red sky.
The siblings sat in front of the Tv. Justin busy with the electronic he was trying to fix, stealing precious glances at his sister. Finally, he spoke.

"Natalie, you are the best sister I can ever have. We will be great, together"

Silence. Loud silence. Poor silence.

"I... am.... going to drop out of.... school. You alone would become the psychologist. I don't want to study again" She spoke, obstinate tears streaming down her cheeks.

Silence... Justin's knife falls off his hand... Justin's heavy breathing is heard.... A disturbed cough from Natalie... Shocked, Justin stands up... He stammers.... Justin runs towards Natalie. He screams

"You will do what we have planned. That is the only path to success for you. I would not let you become something else. We would do it together"

"but I want to draw a better plan for my life"

Enraged, he continued, shooting fires out of his angry eye balls.

"When did you become a weakling? Weakling! Weakling! That'ts what you are. Giving up on our dreams? Leaving me alone to become the psychologist? Weakling!" His words shivered admist angry tears.

"Justin, stop!" Natalie roared angrily, desperately...

"No! You must become a psychologist. That is what you will be. You cannot change our plan. I can never let you...."

Enraged, Natalie dashed after justin's knife.... blood splashed on Natalie's terror filled face and hands. Justin's eyes widen in intense pain and love. Justin moans in pain.... Justin falls slowly to the ground. fearfully, Natalie grabs his hand that reached out to her... Natalie screams

"Guardian angel!!!" Natalie limped after him, grabbing his hand that reached out to her.

"Angell...No" she started to cough, signs to an impending asthma attack.

There were no words to say. His eyes only laid heavy with pity, regret and love.

"Angel... You cannot live me... I will die"

In pain, Justin nods... Natalie continues coughing profusely.... She falls to the floor.... Brother and sister hold hands

"Na..ta...lie" Justin mumbled, clots of blood trickled out of his mouth.

With eyes and hands locked, Natalie passed out slowly. Few minutes after Natalie passed out, holding his sister's hand desperately, Nathan's sad eyes closed in death.

SEPTEMBER 8, 2017. 10.00am

It's been two weeks since I, Mabel came to see Natalie. The adolescent intensive care took custody of her. I am her psychiatrist. I am happy to see her again as I have been busy with a lot of work.

Entering her room, she was in her usual position: head bent with little lines of spittle drooling down her mouth. Clutched to her chest was Justin's picture.

I ran to her and hugged her. She did not stir. She keeps 95% of her time being quiet. All the times, tears would stream down her face. She is no longer violent like before. She no longer harms herself with instruments.

I glanced at her side, boldy written on a paper was....

He was a brother that had become dependent. He couldn't think of a life without his big sister. He couldn't dream without her. Her dreams were his dreams. He didn't know how to succeed without her. She was indispensable. She was needed. She was his shadow. He was the guardian angel and I murdered him.

"Natalie, In my dreams I saw your brother. Both of you played and laughed. You loved each other... See, Just close your eyes and imagine all that you want to... or try poetry, write out all that you want to. Create a world filled with happiness, replay and write a new world about you and your brother"

She lifted sad eyes, curved a smile then more spittle dripped down her lips.

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All characters, settings and plot are fictional.

THANKS FOR READING!!!