Where’s There’s Three
The other day, Grandma made a big choice. She had contemplated and contemplated for a long time how she might best care for her three darling children. Her final decision was to have three of her because there were three of them. Yes, Grandma chose to break her personality into three distinct personas and merge them into a single entity. What are the chances? It's possible that Miss Ophrie will show up at her door and want to meet the three of them at once.
As a result, Grandma had to choose which three identities she would embody. However, she couldn't figure out what no Lindsay Lahon or Hannah Montana or even Polly Pockets had to do with it. That's why Grandma went back to her tried-and-true personas that she knew and loved so well!
To begin the day, Grandma felt it would be a good idea to channel Shirley Temple. Then again, her own adorable children couldn't possibly be so lovable. It was Grandma's hope that the lovely Miss Cindy at the Roffler Shop might give her the Shirley Temple treatment for her hair. In the end, she'll get her a huge, multi-colored lollipop from some high-end confectionery store.. This Shirley Temple standout dress with a crinoline slip peeking out of the bottom made her grandmother's elderly thighs ache. Shirley Temple's black patent leathers were also brought out by her grandmother to complete her new look.
To say that her grandchildren erupted in screams and laughter as soon as Grandma Shirley Temple entered the room to demonstrate her new identity to them is an understatement. That, of course, was before they spotted the enormous lollipop and began grabbing and claiming ownership of it with such fervor that they shattered the candy portion and sent the stick part soaring through the air till it landed straight up and down in Grandpa's spectacles (which hed just put on to see who that cute little doll in the Shirley Temple curls was). Because he didn't wear them long enough to observe Grandma yanking out every single one of the curls, he was spared.
So, now we're moving on to the next identity. Her grandmother felt she'd be a great Annie Oakley. Her beautiful hardwood floors were scratched by Grandma when she placed those spurs on those brogans, so she wore an old hat to cover what was remained of her hair.
The chenille bedspread served as Grandma's only cowgirl vest because she didn't have one. It nearly wrapped around her like the prettiest vest a cowgirl has ever seen. A pistol and holster set (from where? nobody knows?) was fastened to Grandma's hips as a last measure. There was a television set on with Deal or No Deal playing in the background, so she took the infants' jump rope and started spinning and lashing that rope.
Before long, the men on the other side of the street had realized that Annie (alias Grandma) was standing there with pistols drawn. Whoa! Grandma couldn't let the sweeties get their hands on any guns, so she acted quickly and hurled the guns right into the sink, which was already brimming with filthy dishes. She was correct in her assumption that the girls wouldn't touch unclean dishes. When she heard, "No deal!" the next thing she remembered was
So, Grandma was now faced with the decision of whether or not to adopt a third personality. When it came to which one to choose, there was no doubt. Grandma grabbed out her lipstick and drew the largest, reddest Joan Crawford smile everyone had ever seen. Sure enough, Grandma would be a wonderful mother to her grandkids. A terrible story would ruin it, but Grandmall can tell you that her children are no longer allowed to go near their closets, and they wake up in the middle of the night screamin something she doesn't understand about coathangers.
Grandma gave it her all. Grandma fell short. Now Grandma is just Grandma, but she still wonders what would have occurred if she had just made her experiment a little simpler and divided into the Three Stooges instead. A loud thud can be heard throughout the room.